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ST. STEPHEN II 



OR 



THE DHL AMONG THE DIHECRATS 



WHICH COMPRISES A MOST VERACIOUS HISTORY <»1 1111. 

DISCOVERY OF ST. STEPHEN II., WITH A SOMEWHAT 

EXTENDED, THOUGH CURSOR Y, ACCOUNT OF THE 

DEIL'S EXPLOITS ON EARTH; IN CONNECTION 

WITH A TRUE HISTORY OF HIS SALVA- 
TION ARMY, AND HIS EAST GRAND 
CAMPAIGN OF LIES, 



\ 



IX SEVEN CANTOS. 



V 



BY SPIKE RIDER. 



11 



CHEYENNE, WTO.: 

Daily Sun Steam Printing House. 

1SSS. 






COPYRIGHT, l888. 

By GEORGE W. COREY 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 



PEDIGATION. 

'Tis here inscribed, this little flapper, 

To all true, honest Democrats 
Who stick to boss's party claquers 

With a devotion blind as bats. 

And also to all dimecrats, 

Dough-faces, Tam'nyites and Mormons, 
The Ku Klux, St. John's red-nos'd rats, 

Blacklegs and Mugwumps — all reformers. 

THE AUTHOR. 



PI^ELtUpE. 



When in that grand conspiracy 
'Gainst human rights and liberties, 
The Deil and all the dimecrats 
Found themselves badly overmatched, 
Since then, their lost cause sweetly cower' d. 
They've mourn 1 d the loss of place and power ; 
Would now sneak back with cunning toils, 
As a conspiracy for spoils. 
When copperheads so oft have proved 
That they the Union always loved ; 
And all the secesh statesmen reason, 
That treason never hath been treason ; 
When douirh-faces and Ku Klux Klans, 
And Tam'ny thugs and bandit gangs, 
And St. John's chums, the red-nosed feather, 
Who prate reform, get drunk together; 



6 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And all the blacklegs, hogs in togs \ 

The flash coves 2 , bruisers 3 , high pads 4 , 

bobs 5 , 
With the sweet Mugwump and the Mormons, 
Now all united — all reformers : 
When all this lot we closely scan, 
'Tis plain that Old Nick took a hand 
In organizing these reformers 
Into his grand Salvation Army. 

This work began some time before 
The first of eighteen eighty-four, 
And was most vig'rously push'd on 
By all the Bourbons and St. John ; 
Though when enlistments first began, 
The Deil had sev'ral hordes and clans, 
That long had been his trusty pals, 
And always ready at his calls. 
These were dough-faces of the North, 
The Ku Klux of the Solid South, 
The Tam'ny boodlers, prigs 6 and bums, 
The flash and fancy ot the slums, 



1 "Hogs in togs," well-dressed loafers. 2 "Flash coves," 
felons, thieves, knaves and vagabonds. 3 "Bruisers," pro- 
fessional prize-fighters. 4 "High pads," highway robbers. 
5 "Bobs," shoplifters. — See Foxc's Slang Dictionary. 

6 "Prig," a thief. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 7 

Those old Polygs 1 and such as that, 
For these were always dimecrats. 

But when bunch' d up, as known to fame. 
And designated by one name, 
They've always gone by a misnomer — 
As Democrats, while they were bummers ; 
Or dimecrats, more technic'ly ; 
A fact we shall hereafter see. 
Though Bourbon's been their shibboleth, 
The misnomer still suits them best, 
They stick to it, by it they swear all, 
Same's devils stick to saint's apparel. 

In ancient times, by num'rous tests, 
Wierd folks were shown to be possess' d ; 
And when sold out t' the Deil in fact, 
Such folks were styl'd demoniacs ; 
But now when men are p'sess'd like that, 
They're technic'ly calFd dimecrats. 2 



1 "Polygs," a contraction for polygamists. — Salt Lake 
Tribune. 

2 "Dimecrat," (dim-e-crat.) (Greek, demos, people; dat- 
mon, a spirit; and kratos^ strength.) A human being pos- 
sessed by a demon; one whose volition and other mental 
faculties" are overpowered, restrained or disturbed in their 
regular operations by an evil spirit ; a demoniac. 



8 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

There's always been 'mongst these, 'tis true, 
Of honest Democrats, a few, 
But always so much in th' minor'ty 
They'd little influence with their party. 

But when the dimecrats turn'd traitors, 
Became the vilest of law-breakers, 
And when rank Treason stalked abroad, 
Jeering the Higher Law of God, 
Close leagued with Murder, kept t' each 

other, 
Like two sworn devils yoked together, 
All through that long and dismal strife, 
That threatened e'en the Nation's life, 
True Democrats stood by the flag ; 
With sturdy blows, not lax nor lag, 
Help'd drive foul treason from the land, 
While firm, intact, the Union stands. 

The South's first dim'crats were well known 
As Nullifiers with Calhoun ; 
But under Yancy and Old J eft' 
They changed and called themselves Secesh ; 
Till since that little tiff, in which 
They found the long-sought, grim last ditch 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 9 

And, hoping then to mend their luck, 
They changed and called themselves Ku 
Klux. 

Those true-blue dim'crats of the North, 
Who've always been tools of the South, 
Were dubb'd and knighted at one stroke 
Bv John Randolph, of Roanoke ; 
Who styl'd them brave and bold as asses, 
And " frighten d by their own dough-faces." 
But these henchmen and understrappers, 
As copperheads and party claquers, 
As repeaters and ballot-box stuffers, 
As convicts, felons and rum duffers ; 
With tlv Paines, Harrisons, Gormans, 

Tweeds, 
Great boodle princes, in their lead, 
All tailing up the Ku Klux kite, 
Shouting reform with all their might, 
And swearing: "Old John Randolph lied, 
"We're bold unwashed — unterrifled." 

The dimecrats of Mooney's Tam'ny, 
With solemn voodoos and flim-namrv, — 
The loaves and fishes their platform, 
And fair, square diveys — swag reform. 



io ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Proud boodlers ! Gov'nor Hill says that, 
" ,r Tis a grand thing to be a dimecrat I 1 ' 

The dimecratic clans and hordes, 
In all our cities — great slum wards — 
Where blackleg, flash and fancy leagues 
With pothouse demagogues intrigue, 
And give these bosses full control, 
While each whelp holds a party pull. 
These, like the Mormon chumps and flats, 
Are nat'rals — all born dimecrats. 

The red-nosed dimecratic hordes, 
Made up of cranks and pious frauds — 
That sham crusade that's been led on 
By that boss demagogue, St. John, 
Who's told stale lies so long for pelf 
Now 'gins to think they're truth himself — 
He and his chums, the red-nosed clan, 
Hoping to fool true temp'rance men, 
Pose as reformers, while they're rats, 
Rank demagogues, true dimecrats. 

The Mormon dimecratic hordes, 
Led by their harem hierarch lords, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. n 

Best, truest dim'crats of the Nation, 
Made so by nature and rev'lation ; 
For densest ign'rance ever known, 
They beat the Yahoos two to one ; 
Were first sealed dim'crats at Nauvoo 
By their great prophets, Hi and Jo. 

The dimecratic Mugwump clans, 
Composed of "wisest, purest men," 
Who, up t' the time of which we speak, 
Were like one Moses, chaste and meek, 
Now 'gan to make wild demonstrations, 
And show signs of hallucination — 
That strange delusion of those days, 
Weird frenzy, called the mugwump craze, 
Which seized some men and made them rat, 
Or mugwump, and turn dimecrats. 

As their delusion still kept on, 
Its crotchet civ'l service reform. 
The dim'crats saw the fad was sham, 
And 'twas soon ta'en up by their clans — 
A bauble for the mugwump craze, 
And cant for dimecratic knaves. 
The leaders of the Mugwump clan 
With dim'crats flirting soon began, 



12 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And found these worthies only too glad 
To gobble them and their little fad ; 
Though while their new pals thought them 

chumps. 
They belVd themselves great chiefs — 

Mugwumps. 

Now dangling from the ragged edges 
Of broken dimecratic pledges, 
These chaste, sweet Mugwumps, canting 

vixens, 
Who, full of crotchets, not convictions, 
See how they and their fad were tools 
For knaves who call them arrant fools. 
Thus, hanging 'round the dim'crat cess-pool, 
Where chilling blasts their ardor hath cool'd, 
For now the Bourbon hath grown bolder, 
He snubs them and turns the cold shoulder ; 
And when it comes t' the loaves and fishes, 
There's no attention paid t' their wishes. 
Those sweet hobnobbing days are over, 
And they're not rev'ling much in clover. 
These proud ingrates should have a care, 
And of the Mugwumps' wrath beware, 
Or they'll show these puff'd up dim'crats 
How grandly they can turn and rat ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS, 

Can rat their party same's the other, 
And keep on ratting — rat each other. 

Thus in this prelude, briefly scann'd, 
We've passed in review hordes and clans 
Of patriots and great reformers 
That make up Nick's Salvation Army, 
Which hath been done and mentioned here 
To make this hist'ry plain and clear ; 
For as this narrative was plann'd 
The Deil should first be ta'en in hand ; 
And thus the story is begun 
In our first chapter — Canto One. 

There this great leader's history, 
Without fine points of casuistry, 
In a plain narrative is given ; 
Begins with his hegira from Heav'n, 
And runs along in curs'ry way 
From that time to the present day. 

In this true hist'ry 'twill be seen, 
Its most important part begins 
With those events that do comprise 
The Deil's last grand campaign of lies, 



13 



14 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Which he began some time before 
The first of eighteen eighty-four. 

For years the Deil, as now his wont is, 
Hath spent much time in foreign countries ; 
Left his pals here, of their own head 
To mend their wounds as best they could. 
For during sixty-one to five 
Most of them had been skinn'd alive. 
Since then Nick hath been much abroad, 
At hard work where 'twould do most good, 
Helping to crush, with fiendish guile, 
The patriots of the Em'rald Isle. 

Then, 'bout the first of eighty-four, 
Again returning to our shores, 
With great activity began 
To hustle up his hordes and clans ; 
And to the bosses of the hordes 
Spoke boldly reassuring words. 

How he possess'd these willing gangs, 
Of dim'crats from all o'er this land, 
And took them in, and thus 'gan forming 
The nucleus of his grand army ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 15 

How arm'd and 'quip'd forth they all went, 
And first discover'd their patron saint : 
Born of the gods, like Siva worship'd, 
One they could all fall down and worship ; 
Not golden brute, like Aaron's calf, 
But one't could speak, like Balaam's ass. 

How like stark mad he made those rave 
Whom he possess'd of mugwump craze, 
And who from leaders fell to rats, 
Tailing up hordes of dimecrats ; 
How all the hordes were arm'd and 'quip'd, 
And how the Deil accomplished it, 
And led them forth in dev'lish guise 
In his third grand campaign of lies. 
This great political event, 
With some things that were consequent, 
This hist'ry, reader, hath been writ 
To give a true account of it. 



THE AUTHOR. 



ST. STEPHEN II. 
CANTO I. 



THE ASC^CTMEIlSrT. 

Conclusive proof is here set forth, 
That Old Nick roams about the earth, 
Disguised in forms of beasts and men, 
Whichever most promotes his plans. 
Of his great works since Adam's fall, 
His last is grandest of them all ; 
That sweet, virtuous combination, 
Salvation Army of the Nation ; 
With flags unfurl'd to breezes flung, 
Now raiding upon Washington. 

Since Old Nick kick'd up war in Heav'n, 
And was from thence by Michael driv'n, 
His wrath, hath been the direful scourage 
Of earth, o'er which he's roamed at large 
Breathing revenge, immortal hate, 
Seeking to vent infernal spite. 
Waging 'gainst Heav'n eternal war, 
Mad as a witch or a March hare ; 
And man the prey of his fierce wrath, 
As he o;oes forth to vex the earth : 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 17 

Lur'd Eve to crime in the befifinninsr. 
Still urges men to vice and sinning. 

Now his great work of reformation, 
His grand, virtuous combination, 
Of dim'crats and Mugwump reformers, 
That make up his Salvation Army. 
These and their Boss, be our sweet theme, 
Their val'rous deeds 'mongst sons of men ; 
Tune thy glad harp, twang deft each string, 
Sing, heav'nly star-eyed Goddess, sing ! 

Ah, vent'rous muse, vast is this theme ; 
Old Nick's dark plans, infernal schemes, 
Bring these to light and these expose 
So he that runs ma}' read's he goes. 
Now train thy pinions for a flight 
O'er regions vast to some grand height, 
Where earth's broad plains thine eyes shall 

greet, 
Stretching away beneath thy feet ; 
Where we ma}' view, in loftv state, 
The hordes of mankind, small and great : 
In life's fierce conflict struggling on, 
A shifting, restless* endless throng. 

And here, away from earth's turmoils, 
Its woes, its cares, its toils and broils, 



18 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

We may review for ages past 
The Deil's sad wrecks from first to last ; 
May scan his fields of baleful works, 
Since his advent upon the earth ; 
Whose keen, impious guile did bring 
To our first parents death and sin. 
And closely scan the plans he's laid 
To gain the conquests he hath made, 
Through all the ages from creation 
Down to his Army of Salvation. 

As this tableau vivant moves on, 
We view the surging, restless throng, 
And see Nick ready with his wiles, 
Truth to def} r and men beguile ; 
And learn this fact, as here we can, 
The Deil's best tools are worst of men, 
Through these perfecting wicked schemes, 
And still to mortal eyes unseen. 

In sacred hist'ry we must search, 
For true accounts of Old Nick's work ; 
Where those inspir'd by pow'r Divine 
Were shown these things from earl'est times, 
Like old St. John, the Revelator, 
Who face to face with his Creator, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



19 



Talked about Heav'n the earth and hell,, 
And all the beings that in them dwell ; 
And while on the Isle of Patmos, 
He saw grand view r s of Heav'n's greatness ; 
In visions vast, strange and sublime 
Viewed the long vista of all time. 

He saw the Dragon and his hosts, 
Defying Heav'n with haughty boasts ; 
And Michael and his angels fair, 
'Gage them in desolating war. 
Long the desperate conflict raged, 
And fierce each combatant engaged, 
Till Satan and his hosts, o'ercome, 
Were thrust from Heav'n, every one. 

Thus driv'n from Heav'n the Dragon came 
To earth with his infernal train, 
Vengeful his soul, direful his wrath, 
Blighting the earth where'er he pass'd ; 
Since he no more could Heav'n engage, 
On man he'd vent his fiendish rage, 
For now his only hope and aim, 
The joy of sweet revenge to gain. 

Keen for the fray the Deil went forth. 
With crafty plans to rule the earth ; 



20 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Hoping with guile and strong temptation, 
To thwart the scheme of man's creation ; 
That he from Heav n so lately huiTd 
Might be proclaimed "God of the World." 
Thus went he forth in devilish guise 
In his first grand campain of lies. 

Of that campaign much hath been said, 
How Nick on Eden made his raid ; 
The sad events of which affair 
Well known, need not be mentioned here ; 
For many hist'ries have been writ 
That give a full account of it. 

There's one account which might be men- 
tion'd, 
Because 'tis a queer new invention : 
Its author hath a nom de flume, 
To keep his name in solemn gloom ; 
Which 't seems superfluous to say 
His works would keep their anyway. 
Some Christian Sci'ntist or inf'del 
With inspiration drawn from — well, 
Hath this to say about the matter, 
Hoping, no doubt, the Deil to flatter : 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 21 

" In Eden Satan's work began, 

" Though in the Pit he'd laid his plan, 

" To come to earth a revelator 

" And masquerade an educator, 

" Reveal to man things most sublime 

" And educate his youthful mind ; 

" For all admit the statement true 

" Who would but give the Devil his due ; 

" That turning pedagogue, the Devil, 

"Taught man to know good and evil ; 

" Opened his eyes — as witches say, 

"He opens pup's eyes on th' ninth day." 

Thus claiming that this grim man-hater, 
Was mankind's first great educator ; 
That man must know, the silly wight. 
What's wrong Tore he can know what's 
right. 

When first in Heav'n 'twas noised about 
That the accuser had been cast out, 
With all his angels forced to go 
Down to the earth or pit below, 
The heav'nly hosts with one accord 
Broke forth in praises to the Lord, 
Rejoice ye Heav ns, sing a new song. 
The great accuser 's been cast down ! 



22 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Woe to the inhab'tants of the earth 
And sea — to you the Deil's goae forth : 
Great is his wrath, his guile sublime, 
On earth he'll stay but little time. 

Then round the great white throne where 

sat, 
Ancient of days, the hosts soon met : 
An hundred forty and four thousand, 
In serried ranks thus stood 'round Him ; 
While all applaud what had been done, 
They chant new songs around the throne. 
For these were they 'twere not defiled, 
By woman's charms or wiles beguiled, 
And in whose mouths no guile was known — 
Saints without fault before the throne. 
With saints like these our sweet Saint 

Stephen. 
In chastity might not keep even ; 
But in his line he'd hold them level, 
For hon'sty he can beat the devil. 

And should Saint Stephen join this throng, 
Like Nick, he'd get kick'd out headlong ; 
The guileless throng could not stand that 
Though he's good 'nough saint for dimecrats ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE P1MECRATS. 23 

For in his let'r to Mrs. Beecher, 
Denying plumpry the whole matter ; 
He solemnly the assurance gives — 
" I don't know where bad women live." 

Now while the dragon and his hosts, 
Roamed unrestrained about the earth ; 
Down from the heav'ns an angel came 
With massive key and pond'rous chain, 
And he laid hold upon the Dragon, 
The old serpent, the beast Dagon, 
Which is the Devil and Satan, 
With an alias for each nation ; 
The Duce, Luc'fer, Belial, Appolion, 
Old Nick or Clootie, Wicked one : 
(Which we here use with other names 
All of which mean about the same ; 
And each one's used when it seems better 
To help the rhyme or make good metre.) 
This angel removed Nick's disguise, 
And christened him "Father of Lies," 
Then bound him for a thousand years, 
Relieving man of his worst fears, 
Cast him into the bottomless pit ; 
And some folks think he's in there yet. - 



24 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But this is clearly a mistake, 
For Satan in the fiery lake 
Could not, as everybody knows, 
Attend to business as he does ; 
Besides this fact, 'tis very plain, 
That he is now at large again ; 
In forms of dimecrat disguise, 
Filling the land with floods of lies. 

From oldest times his mode hath been 
To take the forms of beasts or men : 
Whichever promised most advantage, 
As he went forth upon the rampage. 
For 'tis a fact we all believe, 
When Satan tempted mother Eve ; 
He took the form of some vile serpent, 
Thus to conceal his fiendish purpose. 

We also find in th' book of Job, 
When on a day the Sons of God. 
Paid their respects unto the Lord ; 
The Deil came, too, to say a word. 
And when the Lord asked whence he came, 
Made proper answer to the same ; 
Like any tourist of good birth, 
From going to and fro in the earth ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. : 

And from walking up and down in it, 
He had dropped in for a few minutes. 

Another case the Scriptures state, 
At Matthew eighth and twenty-eight, 
Where devils driven from human kind. 
Went forth into a herd of swine. 
'Twas in the land of th' Gergesenes, 
The Son of God, the Nazarene, 
Was met by two possess'd with devils. 
Engaged in fierce and fiendish revels ; 
At sight of Whom the fiends cried out, 
(They knew our Lord would cast them out) 
O what have we to do with Thee, 
Com'st Thou to set these mortals free, 
And here among these dismal shrines 
Wilt Thou torment us ere our time? 
They begg'd the Saviour of Mankind, 
To let them go into the swine : 
And Jesus said unto them — go. 
A strange result the sequel shows ; 
For now behold the herd of swine, 
Raging and mad like frantic kine, 
Rush'd here and there in wild melee 
Then down a steep into the sea. 
Of course the swine all perish'd there 
But of his imps the Deil took care. 



26 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

More instances we might present, 
But with these three will be content, 
Which plainly prove, as we contend, 
That Satan takes the forms of men, 
Or that of beasts, whichever seems, 
Most to advance infernal schemes. 

Since this last mention'd episode, 
And all these spirits cast abroad ; 
The Deil hath roamed about creation 
Without a settled habitation : 
But following historic lines, 
From that date to the present time ; 
This fact we ever must confess, 
He's always had an eye to business. 
His hand hath been in court intrigues, 
With wicked kings he's been in league, 
He's rous'd in men the vilest passions, 
Of thieves, murderers and assassins : 
Of those who plan by day or night, 
Gunpowder plots or dynamite. 

Much as we boast of these fast times, 
Much as we prate of learned things, 
Time's cycles still wheel slowly on 
And stupid man still plods along ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 27 

And Satan hath the cov'ted chance 
To fiddle while poor mortals dance. 
He's fiddled death's dance for mankind, 
From Adam down to our own time ; 
And in this business he's no rid'ler 
For they that dance must pay the fid'ler. 

The Orient hath a classical story, 
A kind of mythical allegory, 
Which illustrates in quaint old fashion 
Satan's malice, guile and passion ; 
How always hateful, scheming, wily, 
Angels and men ever beguiling. 
This apologue though old and plain, 
Shows that th' same views were entertain'd, 
By those who've studied Satan's crimes 
In ancient or in modern times. 

The story goes — Once on a time 
Away off in some orient clime, 
That Truth and Falsehood journ'y'd to- 
gether, 
Each seeming pleased with the other ; 
And at that time, 'tis very plain 
Truth had no thought of Falsehood's game. 
Or else while trav'ling o'er the country 
Had not been found in such bad comp'ny. 



28 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

In pleasant converse they pass'd on ; 
The days and leagues seenrd not so long, 
And to disarm the least suspicion 
Falsehood made chaste, true observations ; 
Pure thoughts expressed in fitting words, 
Threw Truth completely off her guard, 
And with such seeming sweet content, 
Completely gained her confidence. 

They journeyed on until they came, 
To a delightful running stream ; 
Its banks rich verdure cover'd o'er, 
Its limpid waters laved a pebbl'd shore ; 
And here 'neath groves of spice 'fum'd trees 
The weary trav'lers took their ease. 
And when at evening tide serene, 
Long shadows came across the stream ; 
And rarest flowers in full bloom 
Gave the soft zephyr's sweet perfume, 
While birds of gorgeous plumage sung, 
Their vespers sweet the groves among. 

Then elves from rocks and dales came 
forth, 
Wing'd nymphs that flit about the earth ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

The naiads that o'er springs preside, 
O'er rivers grand and brooks beside, 
And nereids came out from the seas 
And oraids from the woods and trees ; 
To see these de'ties they all came 
Fairies and goblins in their train. 

Now as the day was almost gone, 
And listless twilight coming on ; 
A time like this inviting sweet repose 
For most foul purpose Falsehood chose, 
And leading Truth along the shore, 
Spoke oft of bathing here before ; 
Of sports like this — their healthful good, 
Fit pleasures for both men and gods ; 
And, Truth's attention thus engaging, 
Falsehood proposed they go in bathing. 

Leaving their garments on the shore, 
Their forms the crystal tide soon bore ; 
And their natation perfect seem'd, 
Swimming or floating o'er the stream. 
No thought of ill or wrong design 
Ev'n came across Truth's joyous mind ; 
For up and down or 'cross the tide 
The merry goddess swiftly glides, 



30 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And in long stretches from the shore 
The sport enjoyed all the more, 

This was his chance, not had before, 
So Falsehood hasten'd to the shore, 
Put on Truth's garments, fled away, 
No more foul theft could ever be ; 
And in this guise as forth he went, 
Hath been wont to appear ev'r since. 

Truth came to th' shore, her robes were 
gone, 
But Falsehod's garb would not put on ; 
Could wear no garments but her own, 
And so went forth as she was born, 
Not thinking thus to give offense. 
Truth has been naked ever since. 

Of late in guise of Truth's best garments 
The Deil came forth a great reformer ; 
Great promises he made the world, 
Proclaimed himself a sacred herald, 
Forerunner of a Great Redeemer, 
'Twould save the land from wicked schemers, 
Turn state affairs o'er to the hoodlums, 
The red-nosed gangs and honest boodlers. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECR ATS. 31 

This happened, as we've said before, 
Some time the first of eighty-four, 
When Nick return 'd from foreign lands. 
In whose affairs he'd ta'en a hand. 
Like dim'crats tink'ring up platforms. 
He prated bout his great reforms : 
And at the beck of his dark hand 
His black elves, imps and goblin gangs 
Stark still remained, the whole procession, 
While thus he made his proclamation : 

" Let men rejoice o'er all the land. 
" The Millen'um is now at hand : 
"For hungry dim'crats 'gin to see 
"They must adopt my policy, 
"And muster up all true reformers 
" Into one grand Salvation Armv : 
"In heavy columns march them on 
"In one grand raid on Washington. 

"To this great nation's utmost bounds 
"Let the glad tiding loud resound, 
" 'The nation's saviour hath been found :" 
" Not of such sad and pensive mien 
" As th' meek and lowly Nazarene ; 



32 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

" Not of angelic form nor birth, 

" For this great saviour is of earth ; 

" Nor yet one single son of man, 

" But is made up of hordes and clans 

" Of dimecrats, sweet, pure and charming- 

" 'Tis my own grand Salvation Army. 

"This is my virtuous combination, 

" That will redeem and save the nation ; 

" And show all men, to their surprise, 

" Truth hath no force like oft-told lies." 



ST. STEPHEN II. 

CANTO II. 



In brief, the story here is told, 

How Nick call'd up his warrior, bold; 

Led by his true and trusty ally, 

The grim old sage of Cypher Alley; 

And to the bosses of the elans, 

Gave his instructions and commands; 

With full direetions 'bout the forming 

Of all the hordes of his great army ; 

And with the Knight oi the Hoop Skirt, 

Held long confab about their work. 

When high and dry upon the strand 
Lay Old Nick's fag'd and faithful bands, 
For more'n a score of years they'd lived 
In exile from the Public Crib ; 
Been bandied 'bout 'mid hopes and fears, 
Defeated, routed, year by year, 
Completely at their en'my's mercy, 
And "very hungry, very thirsty ;" 
Now quite dismayed at further thought 
Of forlorn battle— direful rout. 



34 



ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 



Thus in sad pickle Old Nick found 
His minions abject, scatter' d 'round ; 
Who through defeat so oft had gone 
Saw little hope in keeping on ; 
And, not b'n' swine, of kicks and cuffs 
Thought they knew when they'd had enough. 

At this the Deil seemed much perplex'd, 
And at their napping sorely vexed ; 
So he, to break their listless spell, 
Boomed his war tocsin's loudest knells ; 
And further to increase th' alarm, 
Setup the cry, " Reform ! Reform !" 
While Mugwumps stood aghast with wonder, 
His pals knew this meant plunder, plunder. 
Thus like the wild men 'mongst the hills, 
Who with the war cry, bows and bills, 
Gave ancient Briton's war's alarms, 
And called their barb'rous clans to arms ; 
He yelled, "Reform! Reform! Reform! 
" Ye hordes and clans, come forth to arms !" 

He called so loud that all around 
The earth, and through sheol profound, 
Through Heav'n's arched vault, the restless 

deep, 
O'er arid wastes, 'mongst mountain steeps, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 35 

E'en caves and pits, damp, dark, profound, 
Heard his wierd slogan fierce resound. 

And while rude echoes he awoke, 
Deep called to deep as thus he spoke : 
"Ye prescripts, Cyclops, ghouls of th' dens, 
" Dark-lantern Ku Klux, val'rous klans, 
" Ye high muck-mucks and ye rum-lords 
"That lead the North's great dough-face 

hordes, 
" Ye sachems of great Tam'ny's clans, 
" High Tobers 1 of the fancy gangs, 
"Ye saints of St. John's red-nosed clans, 
" Ye Lat'r Day Saints, with all your Hams, 
" Ye Mugwump saints, with all your qualms, 
" And ye brave bosses of all the gangs 
" From every nook of this broad land, 
"All noble serfs, bold yahoos all, 
" Come forth, attend your master's call.'' 

They heard abashed, and up they sprung 
Like sleeping thieves when night hath come. 
Or like vast herds of hungry swine. 
Lank, lean and famished all the time, 



1 "High tobers," the highest order of thieves, thai gen- 
erally go well dressed, and frequenl watering places. 
Foxe's Slang Dictionary. 



36 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

When at the first crack of gray dawn 

They hear the Swine-herd's lusty song ; 

Strike out like mad at break-neck speed, 

And, half-asleep, they all stampede — 

Rush forth from thicket, wood and dell, 

Go helter-skelter oft', pellmell. 

Like these his tribes and gangs rushed forth, 

Each stir'd his stumps to get there first, 

So that to him the boss might give 

First nubbin trom the Public Crib ; 

For this they'd now been surFring long, 

While almost dying for reform ; 

Reform that should at once begin, 

Turn t'others out, and let them in. 

Tho' long they'd suffer' d drouth and hunger, 

Their ears were keen at cry of plunder. 

Now from each crew, kit, herd and squad, 
Each tribe camorra or king mob, 
The leaders to their Sultan haste, 
To make their loyal, stanch behests ; 
And, huddled round their boss, they stand 
To hear his wishes and commands. 

Then, casting round, the Deil soon spied 
His trusty mate close by his side ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

To whom this horrid foe of man. 

The silence breaking, thus began : 

" O, great hetman, our earthly chief, 

" Grand deeds thou'st done in our behalf; 

" And now, in view of thy devotion, 

" I offer thee a huge promotion. 

" Thy fame for bravery hath gone forth 

" All through sheol and o'er the earth ; 

"Thy gallantry I've much admired 

" Since thou that widow's heart hath fired, 

"And accepted her goods and chattels. 

"With her broad acres, kine and cattle, 

"And stuck to them through wordy war, 

" Like hungry tick to lazy cur. 

" In our first campaign, years ago. 
"When close pursued, your mudsill foes 
"Were chanting in their barb'rous glee. 
" ' We'll hang him on a sour apple tree, 5 
"In that grim ditch, it was the last. 
" You donn'd a female's iron mask. 
" Grand strategy it proved to be, 
" It saved thee from the sour apple tree ; 
" It saved thy life, and we rejoice 
" In thy good counsel's cheering voice. 



38 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

"For refuge 'twas strange citadel, 
" Though like a charm it stay'd th' vandal ; 
"E'en Lincoln's hirelings in their hate 
" That hoopskirt dare not desecrate ; 
"Though mudsills, they dare not assail 
" A meek-eyed, modest old temale. 
" In honor of that grim affair, 
" In honor of thy deeds in war, 
" In honor of peace that thou hadst won 
" If only thou'dst been let alone, 
" In mem'ry of thy Andersonville, 
"In mem'ry of thy other death mills, 
" In honor of thy zeal and fire, 
" In mem'ry of thy slave empire, 
" In honor of thy chivalry, 
" In honor of thy perfidy, 
" In honor of thy breach of laws, 
"In honor of thy grand Lost Cause, 
" In presence here of all our hordes, 
"With this, my flaming, trusty sword ; 
" Each blow put on an honor laid 
" Right worshipful on shoulder blade, 
"As dub'd thou art, for glorious work, 
" Chief iron-mask'd — Knight of the Hoop 
Skirt!" 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 39 

Then from the throng in loud acclaim 
Wild yells the welkin rang again ; 
While through the murk}-, gloomy air 
Dark spirits flitted here and there, 
Which were the ghosts on earth again 
Of great dead leaders of the clans. 

Now when the hordes had ceased their din, 
Nick thus the knight gave more chin-chin : 
" Great iron-mask'd knight, chief of the 

powers 
"That sent Confederate hosts to war, 
"Most high prescript, who at a word 
" Canst marshal all the Ku Klux hordes, 
"With all the Cyclops and the clans, 
"Ensigns and ghouls of all the dens. 

"Thou who erstwhile from half this land 
" Called forth thy willing rebel bands ; 
"And at thy nests these dogs of war 
"Spread grievous ruin near and far, 
" And Death, relentless, at thy will, 
" Held his high earn val long and tell ; 
"Kept up the conflict grand and tierce 
"Until ' o'ercome by mere brute force." 

" But thou, not conquer'd nor dismayed, 
"But willing still the strife to engage, 



4 o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

44 Now baring thy breast for the right, 
"For which thou mad'st a glorious fight ; 
"Thy counsel always gives me cheer, 
" I find in thee a bold compeer. 

" Ah, dismal chief, how sadly changed 
" Since those bright days when all this land 
" Made haste to pay thee high respect, 
"And honored thy bright intellect. 
" But now with me in mutual league, 
" United thoughts and grand intrigues ; 
"With mutual hazard, mutual hope, 
" Our issues pooled in this grand work ; 
"In peril joined, we each defy 
" The laws of man and the Most High ; 
"Thus ever leagued in head and heart, 
"Thou art my glorious counterpart. 

"With obdurate hate and steadfast pride, 
" Outcasts from all the world beside ; 
"Waifs on an ever restless sea, 
"Wrecks mor'ly and politic'ly, 
"What care we for the victor's gains? 
" Fixed minds can ne'er repent nor change ; 
"Most steadfast pals we'll ever be 
" While misery loves company. 

"Though driven by 'thunders' from the field, 
" Or by ' brute force ' compelled to yield, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE D1MECRATS. 

"And all our grand embattled hosts 
"Defeated, still all is not lost. 

'The will, unconquered, yet remains 
" Courageous,- seeking sweet revenge ; 

; Nor will our courage e'er abate, 
"Nor rankling malice, bitter hate. 

"Never shall we submit or yield, 
" Nor pangs remorseful ever feel ; 
"Ne'er sue for peace, nor bend the knee, 
"As suppliants asking clemency. 
" Brute force and thunders henceforth fail, 
"Nor can such weapons more avail, 
"Nor can the terrors of such arms 
" Now bring to us the least alarms : 
"Empyreal spirits can not die, 
"Though warring through eternity." 

"Our knowledge now of dubious war 
"Will give us strength not had before ; 
"To marshal hosts as was our wont, 
" Or organize a keen still hunt. 
"In arms and foresight much advanced, 
"And wisdom gained in past events, 
" Success assured, we now may hope 
" With our ambitious foes to cope. 



4 2 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

"An open conflict we may wage, 
" Or with guile stealthily engage. 
"In fierce, relentless, endless strife, 
"Blasting fond hopes, destroying life, 
" Defeating in effect the plans 
"Of our grand foe to'rd earth and man. 
" Soon to this conflict we'll go forth 
" 'Gainst tyrants both of Heav'n and earth.'' 

Thus vaunting loud his obdurate pride, 
He ceased. His bold compeer replied : 
" O somber prince, who hath control 
" Both of this earth and all sheol, 
" First rebel, and in war the first 
" Grand leader of a rebel host ; 
"When contemplating thy grand deeds, 
" The brilliant armies thou hast led ; 
"And that far-reaching, wond'rous power 
"That could seduce angels to war, 
"That could induce the cherubim, 
"And the pure, white-wing'd seraphim, 
"To 'gage in battle 'gainst the throne 
" Of Heav'n's great king, th' Eternal One— 
"I'm lost in wonder at that feat, 
"And at thy glorious, sublime cheek. 

" O thou brave chief, of deeds in war 
"No prince with thee will e'er compare, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 43 

"And of such grand embattled hosts 

" No other prince could ever boast. 

" With such an host in battle line, 

"Their zeal and bravery most sublime, 

" I wonder not that thou didst lead 

" That force e'en 'gainst the throne of God. 

"With impious battle, conflict wild, 
"The plains of Heaven thou didst defile, 
"Till back before a horrid cloud, 
"Which deep-toned thunders did enshroud, 
" And with keen lightnings' pent-up rage, 
"Anxious thy cohorts to engage, 
" Burst on thee with impetuous force, 
" O'erwhelming thee and all thy hosts. 

"Amazing conflict, dreadful deeds 
" Were done by those whom thou didst lead ; 
" Deeds that had conquered and o'ercome 
" All else but the Eternal One ; 
" Deeds that called forth in high degree 
" Proof of His vast supremacy. 

" Though He upheld by strength or chance. 
" Or fate, we rue the dire event, 
"That foul defeat that lost thee Heaven, 
"From whence thou and thy hosts were 
driven ; 



4+ ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

"But thou, possessed of god-like mind. 
" Not of an earthly, finite kind, 
"Thy heavenly essence still remains, 
"Though in thy exile sadly changed. 
" And then with guile and steadfast hate, 
" And study of revenge most sweet, 
"Thou wast permitted to go forth 
" To stir up strife upon the earth ; . 
" Left to thine own strange, dark designs, 
"To conjure up most heinous crimes. 

"But all thy pow'r, it hath been said, 
" Is impious weakness before God ; 
"Whose high permission thou hast had, 
"To heap up sin on thine own head, 
" With oft reiterated crimes, 
" While seeking evil to mankind ; 
" Might see how all thy malice served 
" To show his mercy to the world ; 
" And on thyself, as thine own horde, 
"Confusion, wrath and vengeance poured. 

" But since from Heav'n when at the first 
" The conflict was transferred to earth, 
"So keen and active, might and main, 
"Thou hast pushed forward thy campaign, 
"That through the ages dark the gloom 
" Was dense and little light could come : 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 45 

"And earth seemed given o'er to thee ; 
" 'Twas hard for finite man to see 
"The goodness, grace and mercy shown 
"To earth by HeavVs Eternal Throne. 

"And when, some thirty years ago, 
"The South joined in its league with you, 
"And all our patriots true and wise 
"Joined in that grand campaign of lies, 
"We thought our institution safe 
"With you engaged in our behalf. 
" The conflict raging near and far, 
" Brave were the hosts we sent to war, 
"While cynics cried aloud and said : 
"'Whom th' gods destroy they first make 
mad.' 

"Thus warring through four horrid years, 
" Our foes were conquer'd everywhere ; 
" With zeal sublime we stuck to it 
"Till we drop'd into that last ditch, 
" O'erwhelmed 03' sorrow, gloom and wonder, 
" 'The gallant nation foiled by numbers.'* 

" But now with our assembled hosts, 
" And with our grand Lost Cause not lost, 
" Let us not slip the rare occasion 
"To institute some new invasion : 



46 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

''Consult regarding our affairs, 

" How we our losses may repair ; 

" For we're possess'd of god-like minds, 

" Not to be chang'd by place nor time ; 

"No Christian scientists are we, 

" Each small part of the Deity ; 

" With minds that have control o'er matter, 

"And mould it same as cooks mould batter. 

"Though we can make of earth a hell, 

"Can't make it a heaven if we will? 

" For there are many things, 'tis true, 

" That even devils can not do — 

"Except as Christian scientists find 

" They can do all things — in their minds. 

" Here we'll decide how to displease 
" And most offend our enemies ; 
" Or once more with our rallied hosts 
" Try what more may be gained or lost ; 
" Consult 'bout means by which we ma} T 
" O'ercome this dire calamity ; 
"What hope may gain in our affairs, 
"What resolution from despair." 

As from his quiv'ring lips thus fell 
The last word, " Bravo," cried the Deil ; 
" Slaves may submit to grievous chains, 
" Bold independence marks great men ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 47 

44 While self-reliance gives strong arms, 
"Dependence weakens and deforms. 

" Your firmness well becomes your years, 
"And your posit'on as my compeer; 
" For our compact is now far more 
"Firm than such league was e'er before, 
" Made so by mutual sympathy 
"Each in the oth'r's calamities. 

"We're both accused of heinous crimes, 
"As the most arch-fiends of all times ; 
"Both are accused of perjury, 
" Of treason and of infamy ; 
" Both thus regarded as outlaws, 
" Each, relic of a grand Lost Cause. 

" But our great principles will live, 
"And our good cause is sure to thrive ; 
" Our triumph will as surely come 
"As days and years keep coming on, 
"When vict'ry shall our labors crown, 
"And vaunting tyrants be cast down : 
" When you, the so-called traitor that was, 
" Lead'r of the so-called Lost Cause, 
" Shall take your place where Lincoln stands, 
' w The rightful Pres'dent of this land. 1 

l Behold majestic truth revealing herself! State sover- 
eignty is not dead! Georgia is a sovereign still ! * * * 



48 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

"And our great foe may be assur'd 
" That in His cause we'll do naught good ; 
" But most contrary to His will 
" We'll seek to cause the greatest ills, 
"And if superior wisdom should 
" Out of great evils bring forth good, 
" Our labors must prevent that end ; 
" Some means for evil ever find ; 
"Thus never failing to disturb 
" His inmost councils to'rd the world, 
" And evil doing day and night 
" Be our sole task, our sole delight." 

(In this confab Nick and the knight 
Still in their minds anxious to fight, 

The principle for which they (the South) fought — the only 
principle of government expansive enough to meet the 
requirements of advancing civilization, made of late by 
Gladstone's eloquence so familiar to European thought — 
was American born. Sun of the modern as compared 
with the ancient civilization ; " Home Rule " as contrasted 
with centralization ; it rose in the west, and now mounts 
the western firmament, red with the blood of Confederate 
heroes, moist with the tears of Confederate widows and 
orphans. Eastward shall it continue to roll, carrying with 
it the blessed light of the Christian civilization all round 
the globe. And so surely as it moves, it shall bring the 
day of final triumph, to be decreed by the mind and con- 
science of man to time-tested truth. In that triumphal 
procession, Abraham Lincoln shall not move as the right- 
ful President, but Jefferson Davis, the so-called "traitor," 
leader of the so-called "lost" canse.— Speech of General 
Henry R. Jackson, at Macon, Georgia, October 26, 1887. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 49 

Show true an'mus of all the rest 
Of the unregen'rate secesh.) 

At this the Deil ceased his harangue, 
While all the hordes, now strung along, 
With banners of strange form and hue, 
Stood ready for the grand review. 
And at the clang of bells and gongs 
The grand procession moved along. 

With proud disdain they move along, 
These motly, blear-eyed Bourbon throngs ; 
Each clan or horde placed in position 
According to its great devotion. 

The dough-face horde that's first descried 
Is th' North's unwash'd, unterrified ; 
Tilden, though dead, his name they need. 
So Cypher Alley takes their lead ; 
While other ghosts of those long dead 
With Old Buck's ghost hovers o'er his head. 

Next, pressing close hard on the van. 
Come the great solid Ku Klux Klans ; 
Last Ditch Lamar now takes their lead, 
While Old Floyd's ghost hovers o'er his 
head. 

Next Tam'ny's clans we now pem iv< . 
Not forty, but forty thousand, thieves ; 



50 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Their great boss sachem takes their lead, 
While Old Tweed's ghost hovers o'er his 
head. 

Blacklegs and convicts next we meet, 
Mostly held to service by their States ; 
Courtesans, debauchees, and such as that, 
For these are always dimecrats. 

Next St. John's dupes stand up to count, 
With pers'nal lib'iyites they 'mount 
To sev'ral powerful red-nosed clans ; 
In their grand work they've all joined hands. 

A wild, wierd horde next moves along, 
The Lat'r Day Saints, a motley throng 
Of ignorant, superstitious flats, 
Who've always been good dimecrats. 

Hard on the heels of the Mormons 
Come the great Mugwump reformers ; 
Smallest, most clam'rous, of the clans, 
Most pure, most virt'ous, of all men; 
They could give grace to all the clans, 
Dictate to Satan proper plans, 
This small fag-end, this sweet cabal, 
" Noblest Romans of them all ;" 
Each in his mind almost a god — 
Small tail to wag so big a dog. 



ST. STEPHEN II, 
CANTO III. 



THE AKCrXJIXEElSrT. 
The val'rous deeds, the passing worth, 
Of Old Nick's hosts are here set forth; 
As ranged and marshal'd hordes and clans. 
The solid Kn Klux take the van; 
Next the dough-fac'd, unterrified; 
Next Tam'nys chief and warriors wild; 
Blacklegs and convicts next come on; 
Next the red noses and St. John ; 
The Saints come next—pure, undefiFd; 
The great Mugwumps bring up the tail. 

Erstwhile were sung the fiendish deeds 

Of him rebellious 'gainst his God, 

Who hath full charge of all mankind 

That yield to him a willing mind. 

Then were rehears'd the hordes and clans. 

Those chaste, pure, wise and virtuous gangs 

With flags unftirPd and banners Hashing. 

Salvation Army of the Nation. 

But naught was said of their queer notions. 

About the patriots' true devotion ; 

But here is giv'n the fullest scale 

Of their great virtues in detail. 



52 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

'Twas dif 'cult question to decide, 
'Twixt dough-faces unterrified, 
And the South's solid Ku Klux Klans, 
Which in this raid should take the van ; 
For both were champ'ons willingly 
Of "the sum of all villanies ;" 
Both, strong defenders of this crime, 
Both claim'd its origin divine, 
And both upheld the Nation's shame, 
Man's right to property in man : 
Both have opposed all legislation, 
That's brought prosperity to the Nation : 
Both, with slave driving chivalry, 
ScoriTd universal liberty : 
Both true to dimecrat traditions, 
Both tried to overthrow the nation. 

THE KU KLUX KLANS. 

Thus do all traitors: 
If their purgation did consist in words, 
They are as innocent as grace itself. 

— Shakes ft are. 

But the Ku Klux should take the lead, 
Though all be true that's just been said ; 
And proudly leading on the van, 
With a clean record, every man ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 53 

Of which they've never been asham'd, 
Nor with desertion ever blam'd : 
For always sticking- to their text, 
They've claim'd this world and most of next. 

Erstwhile, when slavery they defended, 
And prov'd 'twas right, must be extended : 
This, and their dogma of states rights, 
Caus'd long and bitter wordy fights ; 
But when these bouts no hope could brine, 
Turn'd to the arbiter of kings : 
Took up the sword, made desp'rate war, 
And fought till they could fight no more. 

Now that they hate, it is no wonder, 
The power that forced them to surrender ; 
That right divine, which they still claim, 
To buy and sell their fellow-men : 
More barb'rous still, most deprav'd sin, 
To buy and sell their own offspring. 
The South they long for as it was. 
And cherish still their sweet, lost cause ; 
Weep o'er their dead confed'racy, 
Whose corner-stone was negro slavery : 
And, grieving, look back to'rd dark ages, 
When lashes took the place of wages ; 
They sigh for those bright days of yore, 
When slaves made lovelv paramour. 



54 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

When children born to wives in mansions, 
No stain of blood but fair Caucasian, 
Saw their half-brothers darker hu'd, 
Of half or quarter negro blood, 
Torn from their mothers in the huts, 

And sold at auction from the block. 
The proceeds of this vile commerce, 
This barb'rous relict, blighting curse, 
Brought sloth and vice to the Caucasian, 
With wealth and high social position ; 
Or place of high trust in the Nation, 
Or sent him 'broad for's education. 

Such things made possible, 'twould seem 
The whole vile system would condemn ; 
Which gave Tom Moore such keen delight, 
In pungent satire thus to write : 
" When weary statesman for repose hath 

fled, 
" From halls of council to his negro's shed ; 
" Where blest he woos some black Aspasia's 

grace, 
"And dreams of freedom in his slave's 

embrace.'' 

Thus this peculiar institution 
Made ours the scorn of all the nations : 



THE DKIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



55 



Made it the butt of ribaldry, 

For haters of democracy, 

Who claim'd no system worse could be. 

Than this for licensed lechery. 

This charge, 'twas useless to deny, 
When facts so stubborn met the eye : 
Facts, that too plainly could be seen, 
And were well known, read of all men ; 
Facts, that none could deny or doubt, 
For nature'd let the secret out. 
In all the slave States, new and old, 
Where chattel slaves were bought and sold, 
This institution, most ungodly, 
Gave them to masters, soul and body, 
Here mulattos, quadroons, metifs, 
Meamelouc's, marabous, sange-meles, griffs, 
White blood and black, in mazes mix'd : 
No ethnographer could unravel, 
Such labyrinths, nor could the devil, 
As nature here gave faithfully, 
The tale of a nation's adultery. 

Though slavery's dead the South still mourn 
Their confed'racy's corner-stone ; 

With states rights sent to that same bourne, 
Whence neither trav'ler will return. 



56 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

These rank twins, monstrous herecies, 

Ghosts of the dead confed'racy ; 

Now haunt each devil's advocate, 

In horrid dreams by day and night : 

Still goad them on to more complain, 

O direful fate ! what might have been ! 

Had they, with their slaveocracy, 

In guise of true democracy, 

Of liberty a mockery, 

Of ignorance and illit'racy, 

Of licensed open lechery, 

Of crimes against humanity, 

With this sum of all villanies, 

By all the world been let alone, 

What marv'lous things they might have done. 

Still proud of the great war they made, 
Proud of their treas'n and warlike deeds ; 
Proud of their solid Ku Klux Klans, 
Their shotgun clubs and red-shirt gangs : 
Proud of vile tricks in honor's name, 
Of words and deeds to their own shame ; 
Still clinging to dead slav'ry's corse, 
And sniv'ling o'er their grievous loss ; 
Lament that pure, sweet, dear, lost cause. 

Of late, one General Henry Jackson, 
Though not of that old Hick'ry pattern, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 57 

Nor like he whom they're pleas'd to call 

" Our grim old chief, the great Stonewall ;*" 

But one who gave up willingly, 

And claim'd a nation's clemency. 

Now speaking for Confed'rates, says 

New light hath sprung up in these days ; 

Declares, "the war was all for naught, 

"The cause still lives for which we fought ; 

"We are not rebels, but patriots. 

" The world's been told the South made war 

" But to perpetuate slavery here : 

" 'Tis false, though slavery's corse we see, 

" No shame's attach'd t' its memory : 

"The South hath suffered much for it, 

" Did not create — nor would restore it. 

" But false must be the historic muse, 
" If in the future she refuse 
"To do her duty in all things. 
" And all facts forward clearly bring. 
" Showing that African slav'ry, 
" When its hist'ry's told truthfully, 
" Was by far the most civilizing 
"Relationship, more humanizing, 
" More mild, and gentle, too, as well, 
" Ev'r borne by labor to capital." 



58 ST. STEPHEN II. ; OR, 

But these old cranks will soon die off, 
And to their country little loss. 
May young men spring up in their stead 
Of better hearts and wiser heads. 

Thus the Ku Klux, the solid South, 
In serried phalanx all came forth, 
With signs portentous, making known 
What 'twas their purpose should be done, 
With great Saint Stephen in their lead, 
A mere dough-face — dough figure-head ; 
Most pliant clay in the skill'd hands 
Of leader of these hungry gangs, 
The Saint found that civ'l serv'ce deform'd 
Was of the dimecrats first born, 
And when the dimecrats prevail, 
"To the victors belong the spoils." 
And he hath found when in the hands 
Of hungry dimecratic gangs, 
They are his masters — he their tool — 
He may be chief, but they will rule. 

Thus dim'crats of the solid South 
Will show their allies of the North 
That as of old they're born to rule 
These hungry hordes, their dough-fac'd tools, 
They see that they've the means at hand, 
And understand full well the plan, 



THE DETL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 59 

And know of old what groat wonders 
Were done by means of public plunder. 

As in the past, the great slave power 
Made the dough-faces cringe and cower, 
So now the solid, dim'crat South, 
Will make them feel its solid force ; 
Nor will they ever be content 
Till they control the government, 
Till their arch schemes regain the power 
Lost in their great slave-drivers' war. 

Brave in attack, strong to defend, 
No means untried to gain their ends, 
Now fierce and anxious for the fray, 
Most keen and greedy for their prey. 
Arm'd, ready, all their hosts were forming 
To lead Nick's grand Salvation Army. 
The Soutlvs great solid Ku Klux Klans 
In this grand raid should take the van. 

THE DOUGH-FACE HORDES. 

Of all the factious men we've seen, 

Existing now or Ion-- since dead, 
No one was ever known so mean 

As Northern dough-faced copperhead. 

— John Homely. 

But the dough-faces oi the North, 
Unlike the Ku Klux of the South. 
Are made of very different stuff. 



60 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

That they're courageous is well known, 
By val'rous deeds they might have done, 
For they've been always brave as sheep, 
Or as a cur when fast asleep. 

They've wisdom, too, as serpents have, 
Though harmless, even as the dove ; 
'Twas they upheld the South's great treason, 
Few of them read — none ever reason. 
That they're all patriots there's no doubt, 
Though none hath ever found it out ; 
Still, it is greatly to their credit 
That each one for himself hath said it ; 
Great race of statesmen, in their minds, 
Angelic purity refined. 
If true, important all should know, 
They've always sworn that it w r as so. 

But these great patriots were of old, 
As at the present, brave and bold, 
And were slave-drivers' willing tools, 
Obsequious to their arrant rule ; 
So keen their masters then to please, 
If these took surf, they too must sneeze. 
And when in those old Bourbon times 
'Twas found that slavery was divine, 
And th' slave-drivers began to claim 
That all the world belong'd to them, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 61 

Then lo-co-fo-co dough-faces 
Tried hard their masters still to please ; 
They'd give the drivers all they wish'd, 
And all the seat, if they'd insist. 

The South they must conciliate. 
No -matter 'bout the country's fate ; 
They'd have all the public domain 
Remanded back t' slav'ry again. 
And States repeal, without a cause, 
All of their personal lib'ty laws. 
And change their constitutions so 
That in the future no state laws 
Could by their law-makers be made 
'Twould interfere with their slave trade. 
They'd change the fugitive slave laws 
So that no matter when or how 
A foolish slave should wander off 
From his good master's friendly root, 
Seeking, as men have always done, 
For freedom, God's best boon to man. 
No man should give him meat or drink. 
Or let him for one moment think 
That he were else than a poor dog, 
An outcast from both man and God, 
Whose crime threw him outside the pale 
Of all man's charity and good will ; 



62 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

That service to his master was 
His fulfillment of all the laws. 

Thus the dough-faces and their masters 
Would force the free States to take action, 
Accept the slave cabal's dictation, 
Submit to their base ultimatum, 
And thus intrench their institution 
Behind the laws and constitution ; 
Naught left undone that they could do 
To place it 'bove God's higher law. 

Such their offense, so vast their crime ; 
Without a parallel in all time 
Was this attempt to foist such shame 
On the Republic for all time ; 
As that hateful atrocity, 
That crime against all decency, 
Which no good tendencies could have, 
Worse for the master than the slave ; 
Monster so vile men turned away 
From such fiendish enormity. 
A blight, a curse, naught worse than that, 
Sweet pet of all the dimecrats. 

But when the dread fierce crisis came, 
That was to try the souls of men, 

2 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 63 

True to their name and their traditions, 
The dough-faces took their position. 
Trusty informers of the South, 
Who knew each weak point of the North, 
'Twas thought these worthies surely knew 
How to advise and what to do. 

They said in case the South made war 
'Twould only be a brief affair, 
For to secede they had a right. 
The North? O, no, the North won't fight ; 
And Lincoln's hirelings going forth 
Would meet an army in the North 
That would rise up in dough-face wrath 
and sweep them' from the face of earth. 

But as the sequel plainly show'd, 
These dough-faces were dunghill blood ; 
For when it came to a tight pinch, 
These war'iors would not move an inch. 
Though they'd engaged to take the lead, 
They soon found out thev were not made 
To 'gage in fratricidal war, 
And drench the earth with brothers' gorr. 

While war for them had heav'nly charms, 
They lov'd the glit'ring pomp of arms, 



64 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Would soldier when the days were fine, 

Be patriots in the summer time ; 

But couldn't 'gage in deadly strifes — 

They lov'd too well their precious lives ; 

Had rather be unworthy scions, 

Or living curs than stiff, dead lions. 

'Twas thus the North's dough-faces prov'd 
Devotion to their Southern love, 
Who, like a harlot, from the first 
Had play'd them for all they were worth. 
For they to her play'd second fiddle, 
Till now this rupture in the middle 
Of their great dimecratic party 
Had shown how tender, warm and hearty 
Was their devotion to her cause, 
And she'd a chance its depth to prove. 

For she'd decided to secede, 
No matter what fierce strife 't might breed, 
Thinking these dough-faced blatherskites 
Would help her cause with all their might. 
But when she'd brought on desp'rate war, 
Then they decided to withdraw ; 
They quit her serpentine embrace, 
Quit fid'ling, turned and play'd her base. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS 



6< 



Though they had helped bring on the war. 
They didn't wish its fate to share, 
And dare not face the strife they'd bred, 
But turiTd mossbacks and copperheads ; 
Or went abroad to Canada, 
As bankers do in latter days ; 
Or like mollbuzzers 1 or sneak thieves, 
Who scare shy women out of their lives, 
They tried to frighten the timid fair, 
Or kindle fires in the rear. 

And when this dire slave-drivers' war 
Spread desolation everywhere, 
And when in death's throes slavery 
Shook e'en the throne of liberty ; 
When North and South, each home and 

hamlet 
In young blood paid its horrid tribute : 
When Liberty, best gift of God, 
Was be'ng anew baptized in blood, 
'Twas then the copperheads of th' North 
With new decrees again came forth, 
Declar'd the war could not succeed, 
And dough-faces turned copperheads. 

1 " Mollbuzzers," a thief that devotes himself to picking 
the poekets of women. 



66 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Of these were Seymour, Bigler, Hunt, 
Hendricks, Vallandigham, Belmont, 
With Richmond, Eaton, Wallace, Thurman, 
Church, Allen, Pendleton and Morgan, 
McDonald, Harris, Trent and Cass, 
With Powell, Guthrie and the rest, 
Wickliff and others of that class, 
And Saintly Sammy (dead at last) ; 
While some were absent for the reason 
That they were then look'd up for treason. 

These worthies all with one accord, 
Now dying for the public good ; 
Declar'd this war and strife shall cease, 
Which meant, the South should go in peace. 
But their decrees were not final, 
For they were not the great tribunal ; 
Let loyal millions this decide, 
While copperheads may stand aside. 

On November fourth, sixty-four, 
Came the decree — auspicious hour ; 
The copperheads with all their force, 
Were badly routed, foot and horse : 
Crush'd by this grand loyal decree, 
This onward march of liberty ; 
Sneak'd out of sight like bats or moles, 
Or other snakes that hunt their holes. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 67 

As copperheads not since been seen, 
But most loyal of loyal men ; 
Good hangers on— obsequious tools, 
With cheek 'twould shame a government 

mule : 
They next turn'd up in doughface guise, 
Staunch champ'ons of the Union cause. 

But like that graceless prod'gal son, 
All mischief they could do had done ; 
But unlike him who cowVl and meek, 
A servant's place would gladly take ; 
They think the state should kill a calf; 
And make a feast in their behalf; 
Clothe them in high official robes. 
Dub them "the only pure and good." 
That sturdy patriots good and true, 
Should make o'er them a great ado ; 
With blasts of trumpets, blare of horns, 
Proclaim the prod'gal's safe return. 

Though works meet for repentance made. 
In no case have they ever show'd ; 
No good works have they ever done. 
Nor chang'd the least, a single one. 
Of the tenets of bourbon creeds, 
Neither doughface nor copperhead. 



68 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And having tried hard to destroy 
Freedom's retreat, the world's great joy ; 
Man's only hope, the monarch's dread, 
From kingly rule a country freed, 
These craven dough-face copperheads, 
Who 'gainst their country took the lead 
Of mobs, assassins, bandits, thieves ; 
Would gladly make all men believe, 
'Twas they alone the country saved, 
And to the nation unity gave. 

They'd gladly blot their hist'ry out, 
And change their record all about ; 
For when their crimes 'gainst God and man, 
Are brought to light for men to scan, 
The}^ try with lies and specious reason, 
To prove they ne'er committed treason ; 
But when pursu'd — driven to the wall, 
With their sins manifest to all, 
Then as their treason 'gins to hurt, 
Shriek bloody ! bloody ! bloody shirt ! 
'Twould thus seem easy to decide, 
That the dough-fac'd unterrified ; 
Were no wise fit to lead the throng, 
In their grand raid on Washington ; 
But now they're all again joined hands, 
Dough-faces and the Ku Klux Klans, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS 69 

And must'ring all their allies hungry, 
They've organized anew for plunder ; 
For plunder's all the issue made, 
The only platform they have laid ; 
George William Curtis hath said it, 
And he's entitled to full credit, 
He's high authority on that, 
Himself a mugwump dimecrat. 

THE TAMMANY HORDES. 

"Grim-visaged war hath smoothed 
His wrinkled front." 

— Shakespeare. 

The hordes next seen, war-painted braves, 
Heep traditions of ancient days. 
The William Mooney, voodoo party ; 
Or sometimes call'd Columr/an society : 
Saint Tammany, the pure and good ; 
The oldest of the clans or hordes. 

In squads and gangs they toddle on, 
These bloody aborig'nal throngs ; 
The cap of lib'ty deck'd each head ; 
Their faces rad'ant, whisky red : 
With tom'hawks to protect their lives, 
And in their belts keen scalping knives ; 



;o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Their banners floating on the breeze, 
They chanted war songs of their braves. 

Grand Sachem Kelley led the van, 
Brandishing high in his right hand 
The big tonrhawk and pipe of peace, 
Which gave Saint Stephen's mind great ease ; 
This show'd the braves were all for peace ; 
Not out for scalps on the warpath : 
They only wanted wampum, boodle, 
And not the scalp off Stepney's roodle. 

Each sachem gorgeously array'd, 
With paint and feathers well display'd ; 
Though greatly chang'd thr ab'rig'nal tog 
Hath been by these chiefs from the bogs, 
That huge war bonnet feather stuff, 
Hath been changed to a pileus ; 
The massive war club, painted gayly, 
Hath been replaced by foine shelaly : 
Each brave, instead of buckskin frock, 
Now wears a coat and a shamrock ; 
In place of quiver and of bow, 
Each hath his fishkey bottle now. 

Thus Kelley 's braves in warlike trim, 
Would break their necks to follow him, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE D1MECRATS. 71 

And while the pipe of peace they smoke, 

Wear a soft silk and golden yoke : 

Which is the insignia or guide, 

The colors of each sachem's tribe. 

Conceal'd beneath these tribal colors. 

Is kept the boss's great brass collar ; 

From which a chain extends along, 

To lead the brave or drive -him on. 

This great brass collar with the chain. 

Is known as party discipline ; 

Though while the brave attends each call. 

He holds himself a party pull : 

And using this with crafty noddle, 

It always brings him wampum, boodle. 

To tell the deeds in fitting words, 
Of all these patriot clans and hordes ; 
From Aaron Burr and Mooney's times, 
Down to Jake Sharp's street railway lines ; 
'Twould take pen of Nick Machiavel, 
To write their hist'ry true and full : 
And 'twould make book of e'en more Leaves, 
Than that about the forty thieves. 

Those stories 'bout the frauds and treach'ry, 
Of patriots sent to penitentiary 
For little schemes work'd out by them, 
While they were honest aldermen : 



72 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

These, like great deeds of patriots sung, 

Would make fine reading for the young. 

And given in full, the patriot deeds 

Of bosses, such as William Tweed ; 

Who with his paPs hasten'd abroad 

For health, and for their country's good ; 

If written by rhetorical rules, 

Would make good lessons for our schools, 

And teach the young and rising throng, 

What's meant by dimecrat reform. 

THE BLACKLEG, FLASH AND FANCY 
HORDES. 

All hell broke loose. 

—Milton. 

In favor'd places of the land, 
Where commerce builds up cities grand ; 
These thriving marts of business great, 
Where mankind most do congregate : 
Here, 'mongst great masses we shall find 
The best and worst of human kind ; 
And here, 'mongst slums and sloughy flats, 
Are bred the nat'ral born dim'crats. 
From these sweet haunts came forth the clans, 
Keen to obey their chief's commands, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

And each whelp, anxious at his call. 
To do the boss's sovereign will ; 
Unless, mayhap, through some adventure. 
He finds himself in penitentiary. 

The leading Nob of all these clans. 
From Baltimore, My Maryland : 
Saint Stephen's bosom friend and brother, 
Damon and Pythias yoked together. 
Now 'mongst all great and good reformers, 
Both Stephen and his best pal, Gorman, 
Are the author' ty of the country, 
On civil service and mugwump'ry. 
For, like the Mugwumps, they believe 
That murd'rers, cut-throats, felons, thieves, 
May be reformed with greatest ease, 
By giving them fat offices. 
Thus they'd make these good citizens, 
And of outcasts make useful men ; 
To fix up registration rolls, 
And play the bully round the polls ; 
Or thimble-rig the ballot boxes, 
Arrange the count as cute as foxes ; 
Or tinker up majorities, 
As large or small as they may please. 

Boss Gorman led oft' with his gangs, 
The shining lights of all the clans : 



73 



74 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

His blackart pals, cute bal't box staffers, 
Pluguglies, thugs and fancy duffers ; 
All sweet reformers, clean wharf rats, 
My Mainland's reform dimecrats. 

Next came Boss Har'son, "our Carter," 
With his reformers keen and hearty ; 
McDonald led blacklegs and thieves ; 
The anarchists were led by Spies ; 
The footpads, sneak thieves, tramps and 

brawlers, 
Were led by Mr. Congressman Lawler ; 
While Parson Davis bloom'd alone 
With all the sluggers of 's hippodrome ; 
Next came McLean, the ardent bluffer, 
With his thugs, toughs and bal't box staffers, 
They're now less bold, act less adventurously, 
They've wholesome dread of th' penitentiary. 

Thus blacklegs and the flash led on, 
And next came all the fancy throng ; 
Their leader was a slugger bold, 
A demi-god like Greeks of old ; 
Who, one John Boyle O'Riley says, 
Is grandest fid'ler 1 of these days. 

1 " Fiddler," a pugilist that depends more upon his 
activity than upon his bottom. — See Footers Slang Diction- 
ary. 






THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 75 

'Tis great Jack Sullivan, from the Hub, 
Who erstwhile caused such great hubbub 
'Mongst England's lords and heirs to th' 

throne, 
Who'd heard what savage mills he'd won ; 
Was feted, coddled, and all that, 
And dub'd "society's new pet." 

At this, were rous'd Saint Stephen's fears, 
And he 'gan pricking up his ears, 
For he could see a rival £reat. 
In Boston's blooming candidate ; 
Besides, he'd always been most fond, 
Of Johnny Bulls beyond the pond ; 
And now to see a Buf'lo Bill, 
Or this great miller of the mills, 
A capturing all the English blarney, 
While they were always "blooming bar- 
neys," 1 
Was more than e'en a saint could stand, 
So he brac'd up to take a hand. 

Now Carlisle revamp'd his old speech, 
Long used by him, free trade to preach ; 
Which loaded Stephen to the muzzle, 
With flams and chouse and free trade puzzles, 

1 "lilooming Barney," a greal humbug, 



76 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

For he'd been cram'd and coach'd all sum- 
mer, 
And fix'd up to knock out all comers, 
To play the game for all 'twas in it, 
And knock out Jack and Bill'n a minute. 
Thus, this new fledg'd, free trade dim'crat, 
Stood trained and ready for the scratch. 

Though Sullivan may "horrify," 
And do his man up terribly ; 
And Buf'lo Bill not far behind, 
Kill off the savage, in his mind 
One finds that 'tis no work for him 
To mash a gigg 1 or douse a glim ; 2 
Th' other gives mor'n your money's worth, 
In th' greatest moral show on earth ; 
And shows the good old Queen around, 
With lords and dukes and heirs to the crown ; 
One fights the "best man" to a finish, 
And does him up in just twelve minutes ; 
The other plays all men for noodles, 
And thinks he'll capture all their boodle ; 
But when Saint Stephen they did meet, 
Were both compell'd to take back seats. 



1 "Gigg," the nose. 2 "Douse a glim," close up an eye 
by pommelling the face. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

Now Stephen braced his armor on, 
Like the full moon his red phiz shone ; 
He look'd the image, as he strode, 
Of some grand high priced Chinese god 
With Free Trade's dazzling armor on, 
The doughty chieftain bloom'd along. 

To combat with majestic glow, 
Thus stalked the saint from Buffalo : 
A chief tremendous, fat, well fed, 
With neck more pond'rous than his head. 
Earth quak'd and trembled at his tread. 
He spies his foes group'd every where, 
In homes and hamlets near and far ; 
Not war's fierce, horrid hosts are these, 
But hosts engaged in arts of peace : 
Whose toil for mankind doth provide, 
Their wants and luxuries beside. 

Hard by are seen his bottle holders, 
To brace him up and make him bolder; 
While high in air, he forceful flings 
His quiv'ring free trade javelins. 
The conflict hath more fierce become. 
The Saint trots out his quaker gun 
And mounts this grim free trade petard. 
Points it to'rd Uncle Sam's barn yard 



78 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And well inflated turns it loose 
To kill for Britons Sam's fat goose. 
The blast of wind bursts forh, deeptoned, 
The Saint's grim phiz now brightly shone, 
The Johnny Bulls cry out : " Well done ! 
" He stands the bullwarkof the throne." 

Thus to the Saint the palm is given, 
"Best spec'men of Amer'canism ;" 
And Folsom flat'ry doth receive 
From Briton and the free trade leagues, 
As grandest statesman in his line 
Since good old Jim Buchanan's time. 

'Twould be profane to tell about 
The oaths that Britons will let out 
When they, with deep chagrin, shall find 
His gun was only charg'd with wind ; 
Then they'll divide their praise more even, 
'Twixt Jack and Bill and great Saint 
Stephen. 

THE RED NOSED CLANS. 

A knave's a knave to me in every state. 

—Pofe. 

Next came the prohibition racket, 
With num'rous whiskyites to back it, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 79 

Led by that old gar'lous St. John, 
Who thinks the world has all gone wrong 
And must be rul'd by prohibition 
Or else go straight to perdition. 

Who would dictate what men should think 
And legislate what they should drink, 
He'd regulate every man's prog 
But 'low no man to take his grog. 
Whose heart is always set upon 
Whatever glorifies St. John. 
Believing whisky could be corner'd, 
He joined the dimecrat reformers, 
Play'd prohibition, mountebank 
And hobnob'd with old whisky cranks, 
He also play'd the siren charmer, 
In aid of Nick's Salvation army, 
Using deceit, slander and lying, 
All rules of decency defying, 
Whichever seem'd to be most winning, 
As he went forth a harlequining. 

And when accus'd of crooked work 
With whiskyites and Nick's chief clerk. 
He swore 'fore notary that he 
Took no small sum nor larger fee 
From any one of Barnum's men 
Nor any one employ 'd by them. 



8o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But if St. John did not sell out, 
As was the story bandied 'bout, 
One fact it seem'd was very plain 
That Satan wanted no such man, 
For all could see by merest glance 
All St. John wanted was a chance 
Under the guise of "God and home" 
To do what Satan wanted done. 

If Satan paid him for his work, 
Trhoughsev'n-mule Barnum,his chief clerk, 
Then the affair was all the same, 
For paid, or not paid, Satan's man, 
His gab reform is slight disguise, 
Deceit will quit him w r hen he dies. 

His following was always slim, 
Made up of other cranks like him, 
A motley crew this horde discloses, 
Of bloated bibbers — carmine noses — 
With purple faced gangs, "wets and drys," 
And reform'd drunkards with pink eyes, 
Of whiskyites, w T ho coach these clans 
And hope to fool poor temp'rance men. 

These mount the chariot of reform 
And t^ot the prohibition horn, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. Si 

Although the chariot was a sham, 
Naught but a gorgeous whisky van, 
They vault t' their seats with grace and ease 
And fling their carmine noses to the breeze. 

THE MORMON HORDES. 

And while the Congress does its best, 

The need seems still more imminent, 
This growing nuisance to arrest 

And still protect the innocent, 
While statesmens' minds are greatly vex'd, 

How this vile shame may be controll'd ; 
The old polygs still stick to their text 

And hustle souls into the fold. 

— Spike Rider. 

Hail motley hordes ! hail saintly clans ! 
Hail dimecratic Mormon gangs ! 
High 'mongst the hordes take your proud 

station, 
Made dimecrats by revelation, 
Now come to offer their respects 
To great Saint Stephen the elect. 
For these were dimecrats of old, 
When but few saints were in the fold. 
When Joseph and his brigand crew 
Prais'd God and plunder'd round Nauvoo. 



82 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Leading, they said, a spotless life, 
Engaging in no human strife, 
Only wresting from Gentile greed 
What e'er the Mormon "god hath read." 

In these good days the spotless saints 
Thought only of their souls' great wants ; 
Still some took a more prov'dent course 
And laid up treasures on the earth ; 
While some in worldly matters thriv'd, 
Others took num'rous spir'tual wives. 

And when the gentiles in those regions, 
Who had no use for Morm'n religion, 
Engag'd in fierce polit'cal strife 
And party spirit became rife, 
Then these celestials sometimes mix'd 
In earthly grov'ling politics. 
And Joseph then had revelations 
From the ruler of his nation, 
Thus, from their god direct, would know 
What was the proper thing to do. 

About this Gentiles were all skeptics, 
For thev knew all about his antics, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 83 

They knew that his inspired racket 
Was all made up behind the blanket. ! 

So now, it was well understood 
That all the saints, the pure and good, 
Would do just as their prophet of god 
Had given them the sacred word ; 
For, he each time, gave just the same 
Advise, no matter whence it came, 
And they the hand of God could see 
With the unwash'd democracy. 

But a Milesian's cunning wit 
Sounded at once the bottom of it. 
He said : " That Joseph, pure and make, 
" His Lord's own word could only spake, 
" Sure Joseph's God, like that of Moses, 
"Is no whig, free soil, fanatic, 
" For when he spakes by the prophet Joseph 
" He always spakes dimecratic." 

True to those time honor' d traditions, 
The saints to-day take their position, 
They lead the Mugwumps marching on 
In this grand raid on Washington. 

1 When Joe Smith read off the Book of Mormon to 
Oliver Cowdry, who wrote it down, Smith sat behind a 
blanket hung across the room to keep the sacred records 
from profane eyes. 



84 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

First, come great Peter, James and John 
That lead this wild, weird, leery throng ; 
One is the president, the chief 
Of all who dwell in Mormon faith ; 
The other two give him advice 
When church affairs need work that nice. 
Here the first pres'dent is the greater, 
He's prophet, priest, seer, revelator, 
In all the world first president, 
Trustee in trust, for all the saints. 

Next, close to these, their body guard, 
Secret protectors of these lords, 
The Danites, thieving, cowardly rangers, 
The Mormon church's sure avengers. 

The twelve apostles next appear, 
Who work for fifteen hundred a year, 
They form a traveling high council 
And ordain officers to fill 
All offices, both high and low, 
Baptise, and do what's else to do. 

Next, come the patriarchs of the land, 
Who peddle blessings, lay on hands, 
Their trade is lucrative to "foller" 
Each written blessing brings a dollar, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 85 

While they cry van'ty — all is van'ty ! 
Still they are only poor human'ty, 
For they were all "plum tucker' d out" 
Before they found that mist'ry out. 

Next come the pres'dents of the seventys. 
And there are seventy of these, 
Seventy elders make one seventy, 
With seven pres'dents in each seventy, 
These for the cause work day and night 
Making converts and proselytes 
And strug'ling to increase the yield 
Both of their harems and their fields. 

Next come the order of high priests, 
That monkey round the endowment house 
And help polygs — old slip'ry eels — 
To seat diverse new sweet young seals. 

Next bishops come, saintly and wise, 
Gathering up the church's tithes, 
While priests, teachers and deacons try 
To get a finger in this pie. 

And thus, the of 'cers of the church 
That labor most in this good work 
Have something from the public crib 
That helps to bring the children bread ; 



86 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

For all have wives, both old and young, 
Some seal'd from the celestial throng ; 
With children everlasting lots. 
Big, little, old, young, long and short, 
Brunettes and blondes, some lean, some fat, 
More kids than you could shake a stick at. 
Next the great common herd comes forth 
Like vast insane retreat turn'd loose ; 
As it comes on we here may note 
Some striking features of the lot, 
For as they cripple, toddle along, 
We wonder whence they all could come. 
Halt, maim'd, flat-heads, wry-neck'd and 
blind, 
Cock-eyed, blear-eyed, sore-eard behind, 
Red-heads, flax-heads, black-heads, frowsy, 
With hair dishevel'd, long and lousy, 
Big-nosed, blink-eyed, one-arm'd, claw- 
handed, 
Hunch-backs, monsters, queer-heads, legs 

bandy, 
Toothless, one-eyed, sway-back'd and deaf, 
Freckled, warty, hair-lip'd, black teeth, 
High-cheek'd, flat-nosed, teeth all scragged, 
Long-ear'd, scrag-neck'd, garments drag- 
gled, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 87 

Cross-eyed, meek-eyed, sore-eyed, sad-eyed, 
Cat-eyed, moon-eyed, tear-eyed, red-eyed, 
Hip-shot, snake-eyed, knock-kneed, club- 
footed, 
Stub-feet, loose-joints, flat-feet, web-footed, 
Hook-nosM, lop-eared, wall-eyed, lop-sided, 
'Twixt tusks and stumps the mouth divided, 
With sores and wens and humps and bumps, 
With moles and scabs and shoulders hump'd, 
Are thus made up, these Mormon clans, 
A horde of Quilps and Calibans, 
With minds deform'd quite as unique 
As that of each ones' strange physique. 

This grotesque horde of lunatics, 
These sweet, pure, typ'cal dimecrats 
As ign'rant as a herd of mules, 
Worse bigots than most dupes and fools ; 
Have now come forth to sound the praise 
Of him, exemplar of their ways. 
And limping, wig'ling, shuf'ling on 
They sing this most appropriate song. 

Hail to the chief! Hail our great friend? 

Loud paeans to his praises chant, 
Our persecutions now will end, 

Saint Stephen is our patron saint. 



88 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Worthy is he to be our chief, 

Most exalted is our master ; 
His works accord with our belief, 

His only offspring is a bastard. 

THE MUGWUMP HORDES. 

The Democratic party which fell from power as a con- 
spiracy against human rights, now attempts to sneak back 
to power as a conspiracy for plunder and spoils. — George 
William Curtis. 

Close on the heels of the Mormons, 
Press'd the great mugwump reformers 
And taking up the saints refrain 
Made hills and dales resound again. 
Good brother Beecher took their lead, 
Now great Saint Stephen's friend in need, 
Who came to offer Stephen help, 
'Cause he knew how it was himself. 

His first lieutenant Myster Schurz, 
Great soldier except when in war ; 
" He fights mit Seigel trinken peer 
" To learn his dacdics by de rear ;" 
And like Franz Seigel, his great fights 
Were mostly made in hasty flight, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. S 9 

Same as the fight at Chancellors ville, 
With his division on a hill, 
When Jackson's guns began to play 
With all his might he ran away. 

And when a statesman he came forth 
To right the wrongs of all the earth 
And like a quack of doubtful fame, 
Who dub'd himself "the king of pain", 
He was the one par excellence 
That could find out the nation's wants, 
That could right all the people's wrongs 
And bring about all great reforms 
And to the body politic 
Play king of pain like 'tother quack. 

But soon this buffoon was well known, 
His deeds of valor and renown 
As leader of "the new departure " 
Had made him neither saint nor martyr, 
But had develop'd all the features 
Of a chronic office seeker, 
Who statemanship would sure attain, 
Could he use brass instead of brain. 

And when in law renown he'd grain, 
Here too he faiPd for want of brain, 
For, as in war, he could not fight 
When he'd an enemy in sight. 



9Q ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But when turn'd loose to fret the air, 
Then he's a desperate warrior ; 
This slim gas-bag struts like a knight, 
A windy, arrant blatherskite. 

George William Curtis next was seen, 
He of the trio Mugwump van 
Now posing as a dimecrat, 
One of th' conspiring brigand lot. 
'Twas in his youth a howadji 
Trav'ling where erst the El Mahdi 
Made it lively for our cousins, 
In brigandage learn'd his first lessons. 

'Twas not in Syr'a, but th' Soudan 
That he first saw those gay brigands, 
And they have been e'er since that time 
The envy of this great man's mind. 
For he like them brooks no restraint, 
Nor yet reproof to his mind's bent, 
He knows just all there is to know 
And what he thinks, that must be so. 

'Tis all for naught a pledge he's made 
Or some great truth that he hath said, 
For what's a pledge or truth to him 
When he would gratify a whim. 
He said that dimecrats were thieves, 
No doubt that truth he still believes, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 91 

For he's now with them hand in hand, 
Full fledged political brigand. 

Next, groping sadly in the dark 
Came Dominie James Freeman Clark, 
The one "Disciple" of the Lord 
That could expound His holy word 
And tell you all about death terms, 
" Orthodoxy— its Truths and Errors," 
And all about ten Great Religions, 
Down from the Jews to the Norwegians, 
He'd learn'd all these from early youth 
But never learn'd to tell the truth. 

Thus were these pure, wise, Mugwump 
clans 
Led on by this illust'rous gang, 
With many others in their train 
Possess'd of equal world-wide fame, 
For these were all too pure and good 
To mingle with the common herd. 
So this camorra soon 'gan farming 
And join'd the Deil's Salvation Army. 

Here they have found congenial friends. 
Spirits that with theirs sweetly blend 
And now they wonder more and more 
They had not struck these pals before, 



92 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

For, singular as it may seem, 

The base, the low, the vile and mean 

Take to the dimecratic party 

As nat'rally as ducks to water. 

Nor is it strange when once we think 

Why this class should be closely link'd, 

For brutes of not much lower order 

By nature take to one another. 

And it is true of all mankind, 

Each will his lev'l nat'rally find. 

Though he may not reason or think 

He finds his pals by mere instinct. 

Thus comes about that true old saw, 
Which but expresses nature's law : 
That both in fair and foul weather, 
Birds of a feather flock together. 

But Mugwumps claim to be first-class, 
For they great wisdom do possess, 
Though like he whom they've serv'd of late. 
They're full of malice, guile and hate. 
And here we see effects most sad, 
How learning sometimes makes men mad. 
With erudition of high rank 
A man may be the veriest crank. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



93 



Thus the Mugwumps and Pharisees, 
Whom none in heav'n nor earth could please. 
Now found that none but Hades' Prince 
Could satisfy their moral sense ; 
And full possess'd by mugwump craze, 
Began to sound their master's praise ; 
Like birds allur'd by serpents charms, 
Rush'd madly into Satan's arms. 
Same's in disease, we often see 
Those taken with insanity, 
Who mild and moral from their birth. 
Now curse and blaspheme all the worse ; 
So victims of the mugwump craze 
Left off their truthful, modest ways, 
Left off all decency and shame, 
Did naught but slander and defame, 

And growl like arrant hypocrites, 

Lie and get drunk like dimecrats. 
Much hath of late been said about 

Things that "no fellah" can find out ; 

Those twin delusions of these days, 

The mugwump and the faith cure craze, 

True panaceas good and great, 

To cure our bodies and the state ; 

While faith cures all our aches and cricks, 

Mugwump'ry cures our politics. 



94 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Had we the pow'r to thread the mazes 
Of human natures, cranks and crazes, 
Seek out the mind in its own home, 
Where all the subtle work is done, 
And deftly, skill'd, could thus lay bare 
The quaint delusions harbour'd there, 
Such puz'ling lab'rynths we'd descry, 
Knots Gordeus never could untie — 
A work so intricate and vast 
E'en Hercules would shirk the task. 

In trade, food, physic and in dress, 
In politics, relig'on and death, 
We've fads and fashions, runs and rages, 
Booms and revivals, cranks and crazes, 
And as days, months and years come on, 
New crazes start and come along. 

These crazes sometimes, like a plague, 
Through all the seasons take the rage, 
While others half the year are off, 
Like summer complaints or winter coughs, 
But those prevailing all th' year round, 
Most hurtful always will be found. 

Thus Christian science and mugwump'ry 
Rag'd and seem'd sure to sweep the country 
For both attack'd the great and civil, 
Same's the best horse may take polevil, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



95 



Or like that raging plague, the pips, 

That kills old roosters same's young chicks. 

And like the pips or the polevil, 
Which some folks think are sent by th' devil, 
These twin crazes, as hath been said, 
Sent by the Deil, attack the head, 
And may be styl'd, in language civil, 
The faith cure and mugwump polevil s. 
Now as these crazes keep along, 
The worse the craze, the more reform ; 
Mugwumps stick to their little fad 
Same's pagans make and set up gods, 
Like croaking ravens perch'd along 
On hollow stumps of sham reform. 

And now these Mugwumps take delight 
In contemplating their grand fight, 
How grandly they did this or that 
And outlied even dimecrats. 
They also took the greatest pride 
In laboring thus side by side 
With those great dem'gogues, north and south, 
Best known for want of moral worth, 
The boast of whose constituency 
Is ign'rance and illiteracy. 
They're proud of aiding Tam'ny's clans, 
The shotgun clubs and Ku Klux Klaus, 



96 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

The whiskyites and old St. John, 
The bulldozers and all the throng 
Of repeaters and dough-faces. 
Drunkards, defaulters, debauchees, 
The tramps, paupers and purjurers, 
Mormons, moonshiners, murderers, 
Assassins, bandits, burglars, thugs, 
Hoodlums, footpads and firebugs, 
The anarchists, communists, sluggers, 
Convicts, thieves, courtesans, beggars, 
With all the wyos, rioters, rats, 
And all the other dimecrats, 
With those that stuff the ballots in, 
Led by the Higginses and Mackins. 

These are Mugwumps' associates, 
And blandly they affiliate, 
Nor will it bring to either harm, 
Alike they are champions of reform, 
And they'll do their great work with ease 
When Satan hath reform'd Hades. 

Here we've a picture of delight, 
Not by Raphael, Bierstadt nor White, 
Yet, it is e'en more true to nature 
Than picture ever made by painter, 
From thy new home, dear brother Beecher, 
Tell us, pray dost thou like the picture? 






ST. STEPHEN II. 
CANTO IV. 



THE AKGUMEINrr. 

The dimecratic hordes and clans 
At their chief mogul's grand command, 
Select head men whom they send forth 
To hunt the purest saint on earth. 
When all the candidates they'd reckon'd 
Pick'd out the good Saint Stephen second; 
They thought the saint would much adorn 
As figurehead their new platform. 
There on all fours this sapient tool 
Look'd like the father of a mule. 

When Israel's worn and shattered bands, 
Were journeying to'rd the promised land, 
Moses went forth to Mount Sinai, 
There to commune with the Most High 
And there 'mongst crags by lightnings rent 
Receiv'd God's laws and commandments. 

While thus away from Israel's camp 
The hosts began, with one consent, 
To clamor for a god whose hand 
Could lead them to the promised land. 



9 8 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR,- 

So Aaron, in his own behalf, 
From earnings, made a golden calf, 
He knew that Jews, ev'n, could be led 
By gold in coins or figureheads. 

So now Nick's hosts, keen for the fray, 
Were clam'rous for some saint, that they 
Could set up as a figurehead, 
No leader but one't could be led ; 
Some Hermean signpost that could give 
Most direct route t' the public crib ; 
Who had but very little done 
Ard who was quite as little known ; 
Had made no speech, had writ no letter ; 
The less he knew so much the better. 

Then to the chiefs of all the hordes 
Nick through Sev'n Mule sent forth the 

word, 
And through these to sub-chiefs of the clans 
In every bail'wick of the land, 
For all the gangs, kits, herds and squads, 
Crews, tribes, camorras and king mobs, 
To call at once a solemn conclave 
Of all the bosses, chiefs and great braves. 
And when met at their dens and roosts, 
Then let the braves and chiefs set forth 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



99 



That these conclaves call'd at the word 
Of the chief mogul of the hordes, 
Were for the purpose there aud then 
To pick out some of their head men 
Who would seek out as they went forth, 
The only pure saint on this earth. 

And Sev'n Mule had giv'n order further, 
To have these hunters come together 
On the eighth day (in sultry weather) 
Of that month nam'd from Julius Caeser. 
Then to compare notes, see what they 
About the matter had to say 
Of candidates which they had found, 
Twould make good dim'crat saints all 



' i wou. 

'round. 



Then to the city by the lake 
The headmen did themselves betake, 
For Sev'n Mule had giv'n orders further 
At that place they should come together 
And in grand conclave then select 
A saint 'twould please e'en the elect. 

This, in old times, the red man's home, 
Where frisky polecats lov'd to roam, 
This too, the place that red men wise 
Had nam'd "the polecat's paradise," 



ioo ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

For from that ancient cog we know 
The town was first dub'd Chicago. 

And from those times ere Dearborn's days, 
When gangs of polecats held the sway, 
Roarrvd through the grasses 'mongst the 

sloughs 
And through the balmy air infused 
And to the prairie flowers' sweet scent 
Added their fumes and redolence. 
Though nunvrous as wild honey bees 
Or pebbles long the sounding lea, 
Ther'd ne'er been here half's many pole- 
cats, 
As now there were of hungry dimecrats. 

Now when the headsmen of the clans 
Had gather'd in from all the land 
And were conven'd in grand conclave, 
High-muckey-mucks, great chiefs and 

braves, 
All clam'rous for a chief 't could give 
Sure passports to the public crib. 

There too was chief of all the bosses, 
Old man not 'fraid of long-ear'd hosses, 
Grand old Sevn Mule — the Deil's chief clerk, 
First boss in his great reform work. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. ic 

With Adj'tant Genl Black Art Gorman, 
Boss bal't-box stuffer and reformer, 
The Deil's chief aid while he was forming 
The hordes of his Salvation Army. 

Now as Sev'n Mule rose to his feet 
And posed to grind oft' his great speech- 
Grim visagM chief! the hosts enchain'd— 
All clamor ceas'd and silence reigned. 
Forth to'rd the throng he stretclrd his hand 
His keen eye view'd the anxious gangs, 
His ears prick'd up as bright and keen 
As frighten'd rabbit's e'er were seen, 
His face lit up by joy 'twas in it, 
Like pumpkin face with candle in it. 

He speaks, the anxious throngs attend, 
His words, reeking with bourbon, blend 
Into a short, vehement plea 
For dimecratic harmony. 
He said: ''This seem'd the sentiment 
''And this grand conclave's full intent, 
" The air seemM saturated with it 
"And every dimecrat full of it," 
But which they'd most 'twas hard to see, 
Of bourbon, or of harmony. 



io2 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

He said : "Harmony must prevail 
"And this grand conclave must not fail 
" To choose a saint whose name at once 
" Will please both dinrcrat and Mugwump." 
He also said : "For chief of th' head men 
" We have pick'd out one of our geat men 
" Who will, in that capacity, 
"Hold down the mob tempVarily, 
" For he'll allow no plan nor scheme 
" By candidates or their best men 
"To break our harnrny nor to vex us, 
"Dick Hubbard — red head — right from 

Texas ; 
" (Not red mough, though, for bulls to heed 

him 
"Nor make woodpeckers come and feed 

him)." 

But when a bourbon dim'crat sees 
A dame with hair the color of his 
Or black-hair 1 d maid with blondin'd tresses, 
About the color of boil'd molasses, 
Or mild red wig on blooming lassie, 
Of hues 'twixt autumn leaves and taffy, 
Or pink-ey'd lass, a white Caucasian, 
With scrambled hair in great profusion, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 103 

Espec'ly if he chance to be 

Full, both of bourbon and harmony, 

Good luck to win, he rushes off 

And wildly shrieks, "Show me a white hoss !" 

No talisman or amulet 
Nor signs i'the stars, or things like that, 
Or wondrous, truthful oracles 
That anciently wrought miracles, 
Were calPd in play or execution 
To shape the dest'nies resolution ; 
For the conclave cast these aside, 
On one omen alone relied. 
For this grand mob ascribed, 'tis said, 
All their goocl luck to Dick's red head. 

Now Dick arose in all his might, 
His face ecstatic with delight, 
He spoke in trem'lous, falt'ring voice 
When he began to thank the boys, 

"My fellow dimecrats and braves, 
" I'm grateful to this grand conclave 
"Who've honor'd me, though I expect this 
" Is not for me as much as Texas, 
"A State that hath been under ban 
"But now most cosmopolitan. 



104 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

" For in its early days and struggles, 
" Men, who were somewhat on the smuggle, 
"Came from New York, Maine and New 

England, 
"From foreign lands, Jersey and England, 
" From Illinois and Indiana, 
" From Tennessee and x\labama ; 
" In those days men came Texas' way 
"That now skip out for Canada. 

"Of these some fought at tlv Alamo, 
" Some bled and died at San Jacinto 
" And some at state craft took a hand, 
"Thus helping much to free the land. 

" Some of these men came there because 
"They'd been imposed on by the laws, 
" In their old homes amongst their neighbors, 
"Where they'd fallen into great disfavor; 
" Perhaps through great financial losses ; 
" Or too promiscuous deals in "hosses" ; 
" Or caused some folks to take offense, 
" By killing men in self defense ; 
" Or, as 'tis now the fad or fashion, 
" To kill your man while crazed with passion. 

"But I suppose this honor's given, 
" Which exalts Texas to the heav'ns, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 105 

" Because her dimecrats have tried 

" (All laws of decency defied) 

" To give the dimecratic party 

" Each time an hundred thousand majority." 

While thus he lauded Texas heart'ly 
And deified the dim'crat party, 
To this sad fact he paid no heed, 
These dim'crats, one in five, can't read. 

He said, "though we've been out of 
power, 
" 'Neath Fed'ral bay'nets forced to cower, 
"The fourth'f a cent'ry hath elaps'd 
" Since we've had any gov'ment pap, 
" Still we're to-day in our adherence, 
" Devotion, zeal and great endurance, 
"As much a party of aggression 
"As when we tried to force secession ; 
"For hope of spoils holds and cements us, 
" Same's hair a dog's excrement does. 

" Most of the States are in our pow'r,' 
" The House of Representatives is ours ; 
" And but for treason, as you know, 
" We'd have the Senate Chamber, too." 

Dick here referred to sixty-one, 
When open treason first begun. 



io6 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

That he should ever have talked thus 
About his pals, is rather tough. 
'Tis sad to see broth'r turn 'gainst broth'r, 
Or hear one trait'r accuse another. 

" We've had the Presidency, too, 
" But were rob'd of it, as you know ; 
" Our rights — perfidious act, I call it — 
" Were stricken down at the ballot ; 
" For 'twas indeed a crying shame 
" To beat us thus at our own game. 

" For treason, corruption and perj'ry, 
" For falsehood, bulldozing and bribery ; 
" For counting out or counting in, 
" We thought we had a dead sure thing ; 
" And, feeling sure that we had got it, 
" Set all our fondest hopes upon it ; 
" But that commission — eight to sev'n — 
" Laid us out cold ! O gracious Heaven ! 

" But oh, the sin of that commission, 
" May't consign it to deep perdition ; 
" Steel'd were their hearts and consciences ; 
" Broken were solemn promises ; 
" With deep, dark, shameless treachery, 
" Most ignominious perfidy, 
" Defying thus both earth and Heav'n, 
" Put in their man by eight to sev'n. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 107 

" Thus robbers stole the Pres'dency, 
" Our country's blackest page of hist'ry ; 
" That monstrous wrong we're here to right ; 
"And 'gainst such foes send trusty knights ; 
" For we must overwhelm our foes ; 
" We greatly need reform, God knows. 
" The Government must be remodel'd, 
" So's to prevent the use of boodle, 
" Which now's collected in large sums 
"And used as a corruption fund. 
" When dim'crats have come into pow'r 
" These things, thank God, will be no more.'' 

O Dick ! your mod'sty is too great, 
Your cause you nobly advocate ; 
Such sublime cheek, such gall as that's 
Shown only by dev'ls and dimecrats. 

Now as Dick ceased to toot his horn 
The conclave shouted loud aud long. 
He said t' himself, "this, I expect, is 
" To my honor far more than Texas." 
Then off t' his clans the giant strode, 
Red-headed, honored, clemi-god, 

And when the bosses of the clans 
Had chos'n a perm'nent chief, head man, 
A red-nos'd Badger, William Vilas, 
Came to the chair and there sat down as — 



10S ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But when the Badger chief arose, 

The hosts all spied his carmine nose ; 

Its point to purple shaded oft'; 

They shout, " Look out for a dark hoss ! " 

The Badger wag'd long, sorry battle, 
'Gainst time and sense, though 'e said little ; 
He hop'd his war tocsin's weird strains 
Might strike th' key-note of th' campaign, 
As with old dim'crat axioms wise 
He launch'd drear platitudes of lies. 

The conclave next built up a platform 
To stand the Saint, when chosen, upon ; 
Which, when 'twas done, and all complete, 
Was full of quirks and strange conceits ; 
And when the thing was put in place, 
Like Janus, it was found two-fac'd ; 
And spoke two ways from each of 'ts mouths, 
To East and West and North and South ; 
Like Delphian oracle, when done 
Each mouth had its own double tongue. 

This platform made of flams and rant, 
Of twaddle and civil service cant, 
Show'd plainly to the naked eye 
'Twas naught but one tissue of lies. 

The conclave next to business went, 
Now ready to pick out a Saint ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 109 

And each man of his candidate 
Could tell how wise he was and great : 
Thus new men, and old worn-out hacks, 
Could air their records from 'way back. 

The names of Thurman, Bayard, McDon- 
ald, 
Of Carlisle, Hendricks and of Randall, 
Were each presented by his backers, 
And clap'd and cried up by his claquers. 

But all these saints were too well known, 
And might each have a mind of 'is own ; 
They might not make good figure-heads, 
And might not be so eas'ly led ; 
Besides such candidates have shown 
That they run best where they're least known. 

Now 'mongst the wise men from the East, 
Who come forth at their clans behests, 
Same's those who sought the lowly Lamb, 
Pursued the Star of Bethlehem ; 
Was one, a valiant chief and great, 
Dan Lockwood, who hail'd from York State. 

When Dan arose and first 'gan speaking, 
His hide and breath with bourbon reeking, 
He first assured the throng that he 
Felt great responsibility 



no ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

In of 'ring as a candidate, 

A gen'leman from the Empire State ; 

One of th' elect without a taint, 

One of York State's pure patron saints. 

And this great respons'bility, 
He felt the same whenever he 
Remember'd that the richest pages 
Of the world's hist'ry, in all ages, 
Were from the hist'ry of this nation, 
Records of dim'crat admin'strations. 

But here Dan's mem'ry became bad, 
No doubt from bourbon in his head, 
For of our history he said : 
"In our polit'cal history 
" The only blot that I can see 
" Is that outrage on th' peoples' rights, 
"Deed darker than Egyptian night, 
"Which by Republicans was done 
" In seventy-six at Washington. 
" That great injustice still remains, 
" That vile outrage still unreveng'd." 

Those "richest pages" of our history, 
Here claim'd by Dan for Sham Democracy, 
Those chron'cles, that began and run 
From fifty-six to sixty-one, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS i 

Which culminated as we see 

In dimecratic conspir'cy 

During Buchanan's administration, 

Which almost overthrew this nation. 

O'er this "richness" Dan did not gloat, 
It seem'd, about it, he'd forgot, 
His mem'ry in a treach'rous fix 
Forgot all else but sev'nty-six. 
That and the useful bloody-shirt, 
The only racket he could work, 
These all the implements he had, 
The Dimecrats' sole stock in trade. 

But now this wise man from the East 
Brac'd up to do his level best ; 
When he began to tell the clans 
About his huge and pond'rous friend, 
Who'd grown of late so wondrous great, 
Saint Stephen, of Buffalo, York State. 

For Dan grew eloquent when he 
Gave his and Stephen's pedigrees ; 
How they both sought polit'cal truth, 
Associates from their early youth ; 
When side by side they studied Jackson, 
And the great principles of Jeff'son ; 
Each loved the other like a brother, 
For years they'd drank their grog together ; 



ii2 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And as a true-blue dimecrat, 

The Saint was sound, he'd vouch for that. 

He said: "New men from North and 
South, 
"New in affairs, are coming forth 
"And Stephens' blood is young and thrifty, 
" Though he is now not more than fifty. 

"No man respects those honor'd names 
"More than myself — all known to fame — 
"That's been before this conclave sent 
"As candidates for patron saint. 
" But, gentlemen, the world is moving 
"And we must march on, keep improving. 
" This world is moving rapidly, 
" No matter what the Jaspers say, 
"And we must cease to be the vassals 
" Of all old barnacles and fossils, 
"And to'rd the front, make all our tracks, 
"Not Chin'men always looking back. 

" My candidate hath youthful dash, 
" Though not too callow nor too fresh ; 
" And his verac'ty stands so high 
" He can, but will not, tell a lie ; 
" A dimecrat we can depend on, 
"As honest as a wooden Indian ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 113 

" But if their knowledge we compare, 
"The Indian would be found nowhere. 

" His long political career 
" Hath extended o'er more'n three years, 
" Which don't include the merest sketch 
" Of him as Sheriff or Jack Ketch. 
" I shall not eulogize him here, 
" Or tell more about his great career, 
" For all know him by his record, 
"And seem to agree with one accord 
"That Steph'n, of Buffalo, York State, 
" Should be set up's our patron saint." 

He ceased — his face with bourbon fired— 
Muttering, the solemn chief retired, 
" If for Saint Stephen I've not won it, 
"As for my duty I have done it." 

The throng burst forth in wild applause, 
All Gotham boom'd Saint Stephen's cause, 
While Carter Har'son, cock'f-the-walk, 
Stood up and made his little talk, 
Showing Saint Stephen great devotion, 
He sec'nded Brother Lockwood's motion. 

Now when the balloting began, 
Each trainer had coach'd well his man, 
His seconds, bottleholders an" backers, 
Yelpers, screamers, clappers and claquers, 



H4 ST - STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Stood ready at the slightest omen 
To turn loose grand old pandemonium, 
And screach and scream all they were able, 
Make this a bedlam worse than Babel. 

Now all tne throng became excited, 
As chiefs of clans stood up and voted, 
And the excitement grew intense 
As the craz'd mob all yell'd at once. 
To check the mob's keen wild delusions, 
Bring order out of such confusion ; 
Was all the Badger man could do, 
And seem'd at times to be more, too. 

This done, the balloting went on ; 
Still Stephen was the favor' d son, 
For one vote came from Alabama 
And thirty more from Indiana, 
While six votes were transfer'd by Kansas, 
And fifteen more were chang'd by Texas ; 
While Georgia now sent fourteen in, 
Missouri changed her seventeen ; 
Six more then came from Colorado, 
And twenty-three from old Ohio, 
With twenty-two from North Carolina, 
And thirty-sev'n from Pennsylvania. 

Thus things seem'd to go all one way, 
While bedlam worse confus'd held sway, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



ii* 



Till Menzis, amid all the fuss, 
Moved to make it unanimous. 
Then pandemonium broke loose, 
And all the throng seem'd worse confus'd, 
Threw up their hats and wav'd their fans 
And yell'd and howl'd and clap'd their hands, 
And stamp'd their feet, wav'd their umbrells, 
And shriek'd like all the fiends of hell, 
Till they, it seem'd from these mad revels, 
To make a Saint must raise the devil. 



ST. STEPHEN II. 



CANTO V. 



THE jPLRGrXJMIEIIStT. 
A faithful history's here given 
Of Deacon No. 2, Saint Stephen ; 
With his nativity and birth, 
Or his debut upon the earth ; 
And how he rustled along through it, 
And became great before he knew it; 
How he improved as he grew older, 
As great a statesman as a soldier. 
Great lesson siill his life contains: 
Shows fat may take the place of brains. 

In Caldwell, a New Jersey town, 
Where Jersey mud doth much abound, 
March eighteenth, eighteen thirty-seven, 
This Saint first saw the light of heav'n ; 
Though here in March the mud's most 

vicious, 
The stars above seemed most propitious. 
For now astrologers can tell 
What 'mongst the heav'nly orbs befell 
All through that day, from early morn 
Till night, on which the Saint was born. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 1 17 

Same as those great geologists 

Can tell all 'bout the rocks and schists, 

On surface or that deeper lay ; 

Where Earth hath stor'd her gold away, 

Describing all formations 'round it — 

After some prospector hath found it. 

His horoscope's auspicious plan 

Was fine as e'er vouchsafe to man, 

As int' the world he was emerging, 

The sun stood in the sign 'f the Virgin ; 

Which, astrolog'cally, explained 

Why he a bach'lor long remain'd. 

Merc'ry and Venus too looked on, 

Their friendly eyes now brightly shone ; 

The god of orators and leaders 

Made him " speak like a cyclopedia." l 

Like Merc'ry, too, the Saint aspires 

To be the god of thieves and liars ; 

And o'er our merchants, too, presiding. 

He'd give them ben'fits of free trading. 

Venus his ardor did inspire, 

And thought he'd fallen in love with Maria ; 



1 During the President's swing around the circle in 
1887 his inspiration might have come from the source 
above indicated instead of Johnston's Cyclopedia, as 
claimed by some of the newspapers. 



n8 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But soon's his flame began abating, 

She found, like Mars, he'd been coquetting. 

And not indif 'rent stood great Mars, 

Presiding o'er statesmen and wars ; 

Who filled the Saint with holy ire, 

With patriotic zeal and fire, 

Which made him swell up when the nation 

Was threaten' d by wicked secession, 

And rush forth to his country's aid, 

Not of alarms nor wars afraid. 

And he, first chosen, as all know, 

In that first draft at Buffalo, 

Dash'd forth to arms a new recruit, 

And hired a felon substitute. 

Mars, too, fill'd him with statesmanship, 

Though none hath ever 'scaped his lips. 

Still he's no doubt a very great man, 

As much a soldier as a statesman. 

These good aspects, there is no doubt, 

All of which were of late found out 

By Herman Dieck, 1 a Rosicrucian, 

Explain the dest'ny's resolution ; 

For 'tis not fat, as hath been said, 

Nor pond'rous hulk, nor beefy head, 

1 Herman Dieck, "of the Philadelphia Democrat, the 
distinguished and popular writer," author of The Cam- 
paign Life of Cleveland and Hendricks, 1884. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



119 



That hath controll'd all his affairs, 

But for his luck may thank his stars. 

But while the stars were truly gracious, 

And all their omens most auspicious, 

That his was no mere common birth, 

Was prov'n by some events on earth ; 

For on that great day, March eighteenth, 

Occur'd some wondrous strange events. 

Amongst these are some we shall mention, 

Which here should have our special 'tention. 

The first of these was 'bout his birth, 

When he'd make his debut on earth ; 

Here, just to let the people see 

How independent he could be, 

And show them by this little strife 

How grand he'd be in after life, 

He postpon'd dates for one whole day, 

Would not (so had it his own way) 

Be born on old St. Patrick's day : 

Would not thus honor that old saint, 

Of th' great Romish Church militant. 

When born and swaddled in his £own. 

At once began to look around ; 

And though occasi nally he'd squawk. 

Would neither grin, nor laugh, nor talk : 

And during the first year 'f life, 



i2o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

His bowels sometimes yearn'd with strife 
From stomach-ache sharp as a knife ; 
Though not inclined his food to filch, 
He would not work except to milk. 
One said: " He'd make, this lovely boy, 
" Fine Governor for ' Illenoy,' 
" For at this work he'd never tucker, 
" He's such a true-born, nat'ral sucker." 

But on that great day, March eighteenth, 
Occur' d some other strange events : 
A man down on the Texas border, 
"A regulator" of law and order, 
Was hard press' d digging for a woodchuck, 
His anxious ardor promised good luck ; 
He show'd great zeal in what he done, 
For they were out of meat at home. 
While delving hard he came down plump 
Upon a bad-breath'd nest of skunks ; 
As for fresh air he raised his head, 
" Dod-drat the stinking luck," he said. 

Down in the swamps of "Arkansaw" 
There liv'd a bloody, bold outlaw ; 
That night he saw a horrid phantom, 
A Will-o'-the-Wisp or Jack-o'-Lantern ; 
As it blazed up, would burn or shoot, 
It " skeered " him nearly out 'f his boots ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



121 



Next day he quit his wicked work, 
Became a Sam Jones in the Church. 

To tell of all the strange events 
That happen'd on that March eighteenth, 
Of earthquakes, storms and battles wag'd, 
Of those that wed or were engag'd, 
Of visions men saw everywhere, 
Of horrid dreams and weird nightmares ; 
How Joe Smith got a vis'n from Heav'n, 
From earth a coat of tar and feathers ; 
How angels born to earth were giv'n, 
And people dying went to Heav'n, 
Would make a book of vast dimensions, 
Of facts too numerous to mention. 

From infancy to adolescence 
The Saint learned many useful lessons ; 
For he was not a wicked boy, 
And always play'd with harmless toys ; 
He said his prayers by strictest rules, 
And always went to Sunday-school ; 
Although sometimes he would turn loose, 
And 'mongst the hoodlums raise the deuce ; 
Though wicked things sometimes were done 
Boys will be boys, and he lov'd fun. 
Thus when with bad comp'ny he fell in, 
Might hook an apple or a " melm," 



122 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Or in the darkness, when not seen, 

Might steal a gate on Hallow-E'en. 

In youth he played athletic games. 

Though base-ball then was not the same 

As now, nor was there 'mongst the wrestlers 

Either amateur or profes'nals. 

He played mumble-the-peg and jacks, 

And sometimes chuck-a-luck and craps, 

And euchre with the little joker, 

Ten cents a corner, or draw poker. 

This was not quite the thing, 'tis true, 

for the making of a saint to do, 

But 'twas part of his education, 

And help'd befit him for high station ; 

'Tis vast importance to the state, 

Since he hath now become so great. 

A dimecratic President 

Without these great accomplishments, 

Who couldn't play at craps and draw, 

Drink beer and whisky, smoke and chaw, 

Would be a great reproach and shame 

To e'en the dimecratic name ; 

Such flagrant breach of etiquette 

The bourbon throne would soon upset ; 

The "hungry," e'en, would take offense, 

Leave him without constituents. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

Next, during early adolescence, 
The Saint took up more advanced lessons. 
And all the arduous labors bore 
As top clerk of a country store. 
His duties here were often shared, 
Holding down counters, boxes, chairs, 
By boors who told old stories coarse, 
Their trowsers, leather re-enforc'd, 
And who could set and set again, 
Out set the oldest setting hen. 
His next great struggle was, we find, 
As underteacher of the blind, 
Which his historian doth confess, 
Was not a brilliant, grand success*. 
(To Herman Dieck we here refer, 
That learn'd veracious chronicler.) 
He lack'd those elements of mind 
That make good teachers of the blind ; 
But in these latter years he finds 
'Twas business of the simplest kind ; 
Though all the blind were lunatics, 
Up to all kinds of dev'lish tricks, 
To manage them were slightest labor 
Compar'd with these old bourbon stagers, 
'Twere easy job compar'd to that 
Of leading blind hordes of dimecrals. 



123 



I2 4 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Our hero's next heroic battle, 

Wrestling with law and short-horn' d cattle, 

Began at Buffalo, York State, 

Sometime before th' year fifty-eight, 

For Dieck, in's hist'ry of that battle, 

Dwells less on dates and more on cattle, 

Tries to surround with mystery, 

Each trifling fact of history ; 

By magnifying small events, 

Gives them great airs of consequence. 

And thus he leaves th' inqu'ring mind, 

Dates somewhat diff'cult to find, 

'Bout when the Saint began the strife 

Of this important part 'f his life ; 

How he divided up his time 

'Twixt Blackstone and the short-horn'dkine 

Or which deriv'd the greatest gain, 

The pettifogger or the swain. 

The herd-book was a grand success, 

There's room for little doubt 'bout this, 

It gave the ped'grees, told how fine 

Was each one of the short-horn'd kine, 

And soon's it 'tracted some attention, 

His uncle gave him special mention ; 

Plac'd the youth's name on the first page 

In that herd-book of high beef grades. 



THE D-EIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 125 

But in the law there is some doubt 

'Bout how our hero did come out ; 

Though Dieck informs us he was able 

To keep his will indomitable 

'Mongst briefs, demurrers, answers, pleas, 

Actions in tort and garnishees ; 

That twelve years hard he'd labor'd with, 

Drop'd all to become high sheriff. 

He was no doubt a clever bailiff, 

Or Jack Ketch, while he was High Sheriff; 

There can be little doubt 'bout that, 

Because he hung two dimecrats. 
When first made May'r of Buffalo, 
Just how it bappVd he did not know, 
But when made Gov nor of the State, 
He felt quite sure he must be great ; 
With this solution was content 
'Till next he was made patron saint ; 
And now, besides being a great man 
He must be also a wise statesman, 
At once began to cast about 
How under heav'ns folks found it out. 
But when he saw his hist'ry writ 
In high-flown style by Herman Dieck, 
And when he'd heard the panegyrics 
Of orators and campaign lyrics ; 



126 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Heard Mugwump tell and Pharisee 

How much he was above his party, 

Though heavy headed, he could see 

How great a saint he sure must be. 

This seem'd to please him passing well, 

For soon his head began to swell ; 

Still this did not his brain effect, 

Though 's head became large as his neck ; 

His frame immense, though built like that, 

From adipose and other fat. 

But here the hist'ry seem'd in doubt 

Whether he was more wise than stout, 

Because his head and stolid brain 

Outweighed his neck not half a grain. 

This problem soon received solution, 

From other cunning Rosicrucian, 1 

Who put the Saint up in new guise ; 

Said he was fat'r than he was wise. 

Just how this sage first went about 

To reason this tough problem out, 

From facts he'd learn'd and what he knew, 

'Twas not an easy thing to do. 

Some thought the Saint must be a sphynx, 

While others knew not what to think : 



1 One of the editors of the New York Herald. 



THE DE1L AMONG THE DIMECRATS. , 27 

But all agreed, though justly famed, 
He was not overstocked with brains. 
Some thought he was a stupid ghoul, 

Like some dull brute that feeds on grass, 
Who with the grav'ty of an owl 
Combin'd the genius of an ass. 

Some thought 'twas wisdom made him 
great, 
And some being Gov nor of York State ; 
Some thought it was his zeal and pluck 
That brought him all his marv'lous luck ; 
Some thought he was Divinely sent 
To be the boodlers' President ; 
While others swore this was not so, 
His fame and greatness, they could show, 
Came not through 's wisdom, zeal nor pluck, 
But was clear case of a fool for luck ; 
And to make Mayors or High Sheriffs 
Did not require the highest merit, 
And Governors or Presidents 
Have not always the best of sense. 
And so, to settle this debate, 
And th' situation clearly state, 
This cunning wiseacre, to the Nation 
Sent forth this profound explanation : 



128 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

" How sixty millions of good people 
"To keep the peace have been equal, 
"And how they all have been controll'd 
" By a Buf ' lo Mayor can be told 
" By first green grocer you may meet, 
" Or butcher, on a Buf 'lo street. 
"The secret they can eas'ly tell, 
"And if they won't, perhaps we will — 
" It is fat. Fat as Mayor told ; 
"Fat told as Gov'nor, and controll'd, 
"And since he to the White House went 
"Fat too hath told as President." 1 

So here is made out a true bill, 
And all contained in a nutshell, 
By a bohemian Rosicrucian, 
Of brilliant thought and execution ; 
Who hath discovered in an hour 
The source of this great ruler's power ; 



1 The sixty millions of American people have been 
amazed up to the present moment, at the mature direction 
and influence of Mr. Cleveland. How these sixty millions 
of people have been controlled by a Buffalo Mavor may 
be explained by asking the question of the first butcher or 
green grocer to be met in the City of Buffalo. And per- 
haps he will tell the secret. And for that matter, perhaps 
we, who are entirely disinterested, may give it. It is fat. 
Fat told as Mayor, fat told as Governor, and fat tells as 
President. — Editorial Ne%v York Herald. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 

For here is clearly given, we find, 
The true seat of this great man's mind. 
This too explains how 'e rules with ease, 
And all the boodlers seems to please ; 
For when he mounts the throne 'f affairs 
He planks his brains down in the chair ; 
Or, rather, it should be said that 
The chair is loaded down with fat. 
Thus doth the Saint present us here 
A ruler with a huge career, 
Whose power comes not from his brains, 
Nor yet from what his chest contains ; 
Nor from sheer luck, as some folks say, 
Nor his abdominal viscera ; 
From none of these, nor this, nor that, 
But all depends upon his fat. 

But this good, pure saint, after all, 
Proved to be just no saint at all ; 
Not like Joseph, of spotless life, 
Who left his coat with Pot'phar's wife ; 
His disregard of William's wisdom, 
"Sam'vel, my son, bevare of vidders," 
Hath caused him pain and bitter tears. 
So Beecher sa}^s, for many years. 
What mighty ills hath woman done 
Since Eve's career was first begun ; 



12<) 



i3o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Adam was sinless till bis wife 

Seduced him into unbelief; 

And Helen's gentle love and passion 

Ran Paris mad, laid Troy in ashes ; 

And Cleopatra, witching girl, 

Lost great Mark Antony the w r orld ; 

And Henry Ward's Elizabeth 

Soon proved she was bad as the rest ; 

Lamb-like her pastor, all-confiding, 

She taught him myst'ries of " nest-hiding" ; 

And Henry says, O sad to know, 

" I sounded all the depths of sorrow." 

And great Saint Stephen's girl Maria, 

So full of love and wrong desire, 

Used all the wiles of her bad nature, 

Seduc'd this callow, youthful creature ; 

And at the tender age of forty 

Held pure Adonis at her mercy ; 

And was to him all but a wife, 

Tried hard to blast his sweet young life. 

Ye gods ! with such crimes on its face 

How dare this earth wheel on through space, 

Where some dead orb of rocks and cinders 

Might knock our planet into flinders? 

These women tempted these poor men, 

And led them into ways of sin ; 






THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 131 

For men are never thus inclined — 
Unless they chance to have the mind, 
And opportun'ty doth present 
For them to commit such offense. 



ST. STEPHEN II. 
CANTO VI. 



the argument. 

The hosts that Mere by Old Nick led, 
With th' Buf'lo Saint 's a figure-head, 
Will find their equipage here shown, 
Their Boss's armor same 's their own ; 
Their bourbon and their other prog, 
With all their traps and battle tog ; 
With their arms and Nick's ammunition; 
All duly mentioned in position, 
As trig'd out in reform disguise 
The}' boom'd that last campaign of lies. 

In these last days, strange times indeed, 

When in men's minds queer fancies breed ; 

When each old dogma, creed or faith, 

Is not believed in more than half; 

When shepherds' high-toned and rich flocks 

Are heretics more than orthodox ; 

When the old Bible, sacred truth, 

Man's only guide in age or youth, 

Is by convocations mangled 

To make up versions all new-fangled, 

Which take away all consolation 

In wicked men's sure condemnation, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



i33 



And leave almost no hope at all, 
Of hades or even a sheo4 : 
When traitors steep'd in vilest sin, 
Reeking with blood of thousands slain 
In wicked war as e'er was waged 
By devils 'gainst the laws of God, 
Loud prate that they without disguise 
Have been true patriots all their lives : 
When murd'rous thieves usurp men's rights, 
And fierce, dark bandits of the night 
Rob and lay waste defenseless homes, 
Then boast of valor they have shown ; 
That murder peaceful citizens 
For claiming their rights as freemen : 
They'd close forever Freedom's mouth, 
These Ku Klux of the Solid South : 
When the rif-raf of Northern slums 
The country's rulers have become, 
Through frauds and thefts that are e'en worse 
Than those of Ku Klux done by force ; 
Who would destroy freedom's bulwarks, 
And prostitute the ballot-box ; 
Place in high trusts their pliant tools, 
Try to make statesmen out of fools. 

When thus the times are out of joint, 
This moral these facts clearly point : 



134 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

That the Old Nick roams o'er the land 
With much dark business on his hands ; 
Eggs on his minions in their work 
And fires the dimecratic heart. 

But to resume our theme once more : 
The grand campaign of eighty-four, 
When first the Deil, a huge reformer, 
Turned loose his grand Salvation Army, 
Each horde and clan, equipp'd and willing 
To do their wily master's bidding. 
Fantastic trappings deck'd these hosts, 
While lurid banners waved aloft ; 
And as the train came jogging on, 
Show'd up the traps of all the throng, 
Their quaint old duds, armor and arms, 
All their munitions and weird charms ; 
Such cute devices for the work 
To which their master sent them forth. 
THEIR TOGS OR GARB. 

Their garb, worn by both age and youth, 
Was same as that once stolen from Truth ; 
In this old toga each took pride, 
For 't gave Falsehood a good outside. 
THEIR ARMOR. 

Their armor ancient — queer old make, 
Both as to stuff and as t' its shape — 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 135 

Was first by Satan worn, 'tis said, 
When he on Eden made his raid ; 
And 'neath the serpent's vile disguise 
Conceal'd th' whole panoply of lies. 
Here while he worked his cunning plans 
To overthrow the new-made man ; 
And gave the lie to God's own word, 
Made first stump speech 'twas ever heard, 
And boldly advocating 'is cause, 
Cried, " Down with sumptuary laws !" 
First organiz'd and duly started 
The orig'nal dimecratic party ; 
The murd'rer Cain was his first chairman, 
The same as now is Sev'n Mule Barnum. 

But when their armor forth we bring, 
We find that 'tis the same old thinir : 
The same old dud, the same disguise, 
The same old panoply of lies. 
To cover breast, neck, head and face, 
The'd helmet, gorget and cuirass ; 
For shoulder pauldrons, arms rere-braces ; 
Elbows condese, forearms vambraces ; 
With belts, tuillets and skirts of taces ; 
To cover paunch same's other places ; 
And for their thighs, knees, legs and feet, 
Cuisses, genouilleres, jambes, sollerets ; 



136 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Each part close fitting in its place, 
Made the whole seem one solid case. 

Thus arm'd from top to toe complete, 
Though not with chain mail nor steel plate ; 
Nor with buff jerkins lightly mail'd, 
By overlapping rings or scales ; 
Nor yet thick bulls hide, shap'd to fit ; 
Each part as we've 'bove mention'd it. 

But while their armor we behold, 
Complete as warriors of old, 
For each important part we see 
That arm'd Achilles cap-a-pie 
And Goliath and Hector bold, 
And Nick when he through Eden stroll'd, 
Still of its stuff and how 'twas made, 
Here something further may be said. 

Its composition, warp and woof, 
Was hom'genus, which means same stuff; 
Though known by many different names, 
Its subtance always was the same ; 
For names do never change the state 
Of things they're used to designate ; 
Just as 'tis said the fragrant rose 
By any name would please the nose ; 
Or change mephitis to sweet scent, 
'Twont make that varmint redolent. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 137 

And so this stuff, a fact we'll mention, 
Since 'twas the Deil's first grand invention, 
For his great work was first begun 
Some time not far from the year of one ; 
And all the ages pass'd since then, 
And all the changes it hath seen, 
And all the names that've fall'n to it, 
Hath changed its nature not a whit. 

But this queer stuff ethereal, 
May take on forms material, 
And by the laws of its creation ; 
Effect all sorts of transformations : 
Like spirits that sometimes arise 
In phantom forms before mens' eyes ; 
Who see a white-robed ghost turn'd loose, 
Soon transform'd into'n old white goose : 
Or like pure oxygen, unseen, 
Till it unites with hydrogen, 
When in grand streams it onward flows, 
Or in tears trickles down your nose ; 
Or as, 'tis said, in Arctic air, 
Words freeze and remain silent there, 
Until by thermal zephyrs stirred 
And thaw'd out, may be plainly heard. 

When to his task the Deil came forth, 
With cunning plans and vile resource, 



138 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

To make an armor of this stuff, 
'Twould deal truth's shaft a sure rebuff; 
His work began by spinning yarns, 
Yarns full of guile and magic charm ; 
Yarns spun without the aid of any 
Distaff, or mule, or spinning-jenny ; 
And with these yarns a warp beginning, 
Next made a weft of more yarn spinning. 

A fabrication thus begun, 
To thread and thram he added on 
Warp'd yarns on yarns and yarns on threads ; 
Same's wily spiders weave their webs. 
Then were these webs together laid, 
Till they a sev'n-fold fabric made ; 
And 'twixt these folds were padded in 
Tissues of falsehood, shams and covin ; 
With shafts of slander and cal'mny, 
Fabrics of cant and flim-flamry. 
These quilted in gave form and face 
To each part, so 'twould fit in place. 

Thus was each piece of armor made, 
And stuff'd and quilted as we've said, 
And stitch'd and tissued through and 

through, 
With brazen yarns of golden hues ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 139 

Till from this labyrinth of yarns, 

A tough, thick fabric had been form'd 

Of webs sev'n fold, and 'twixt these stuff d 

Stuff that gave form and stiff'ning 'miff; 

Till neither imp, nor full-grown devil, 

Could thread its mazes or unravel. 

Next blazoned on each piece were fix'd 
Figures or emblems heraldic ; 
Which light or dark hues could evoke, 
Like chameleon or k'leidoscope ; 
Or like the rainbow's magic shades, 
Deluding, charming as it fades ; 
These could beguile the human sight 
Till white seem'd black and black seem'd 
white. 

And now to fit each piece in place, 
So they'd the heroes form incase ; 
And shield him from the keenest shafts 
Of Heav'n-born truth hurl'd thick and fast ; 
This next was done with other yarns, 
That held the parts together firm ; 
And when each piece was fit in place, 
The whole seem'd like a solid case. 

Its shapeliness could now be seen, 
As blazoned on its guileful sheen, 



140 ST. STEPHEN IL; OR, 

With sightless seams and well-wrought 

borders, 
And edges scollop'd and embroidered, 
Each emblematic figure shone, 
Like those on tabard or jupon. 

These figures were of dif Vent kinds, 
Some plac'd in front and some behind ; 
Thus typifying from these places 
The wearer's virtues and his graces. 

His crest upbore a pearl-white dove, 
Emblem of purity and love, 
And 'round his helmet's band, a wreath 
Of laurel symbolized sweet peace ; 
And on his helmet's azure crown, 
Beneath the dove, extending 'round, 
In numbers infinite, were seen 
Small brilliants 'gainst an azure sheen, 
Like fairy beads of lustrous rays, 
Or stars along the milky way ; 
Which all combined bright rays to shed, 
That form'd a nimbus round his head. 

But when observ'd with close attention, 
These prov'd to be his last invention, 
A part of Old Nick's cunning plan 
To interest the new-made man • 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. i 

For these were gnats, the flea and fly, 

Ticks, jiggers and pedicnli, 

Mosquitoes, ants, worms, like the asp ; 

The scorpion, spider and the wasp ; 

With bed bugs, diptera and beetles, 

And other bugs that torment people ; 

All boss'd and tissual in a way 

That gave their argent colors play, 

Like silver midges in the sun, 

Dancing o'er pools whence they were born. 

These typifyed his love of earth ; 
How at his beck they all come forth, 
Thus proving there should be no strife 
Amongst earth's myriad forms of life; 
That all should live in peace together, 
Not war nor prey upon each other. 

Thus he declared the earth was £ood. 
Fit place for man's lasting abode ; 
But 'neath this subterfuge 'twas seen 
He'd turn his vermin loose on man ; 
While peace and love ran in his mind, 
He'd make it lively for mankind. 

His gorget covering well his neck, 
Came down on shoulders, chest and back, 
While round this, coming from behind, 
A floral wreath his neck entwined, 



142 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And on the front of his neck-gear 

Was placed a brooch, same 's ladies wear. 

This plaque was shaped somewhat oblong, 
Three fingers 1 breadth, four fingers long, 
And deftly blazoned with no hues 
But those heralds are 'low'd to use, 
Purpures, verts, sables, azures, gules, 
All blended by the strictest rules, 
A picture formed of matchless grace, 
One figure, that a cherub's face. 
Emblems sublime, chaste pure and good ! 
Well chosen to adorn the gods ; 
For floral wreaths are things sublime, 
And cherubs' faces forms divine ; 
Both fit great Zeus to adorn, 
God of white sunlight and of storms. 

But here his guile was soon made known, 
These were but shams, and all his own ; 
And as in all deceitful schemes 
Things never are just what they seem, 
So here, these emblems were arranged, 
By magic to be quickly changed ; 
From things sublime, pure and celestial, 
To those most grim of all terrestrial. 

And, like the fickle Jack-a-Lantern, 
These emblems were but subtle phantom, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS 143 

Which, changing now to darker shades, 
True apparitions were displayed : 
For he'd arranged by some weird skill 
These figures to transform at will ; 
Like illum'd pictures that are made 
By magic lanterns' fickle shades ; 
Where forms angelic fade apace, 
While hideous monsters take their place. 

So he could change the pleasing hues 
Of wreath or picture as he chose ; 
For from the plaque now somber shone 
A grim death's head and two cross'd bones ; 
The floral garland, too, transform' d 
By darkening shades to other forms ; 
Like twisted withes were ven'mous kinds 
Of serpents round his neck entwined. 

Thus quick as thought these emblems seem 
Changed to wierd signs of hideous mien ; 
And quick as thought, transform' d were these 
Back to the cherub and fche wreath ; 
Same as the artful thimble-rigger, 
Conceals or shows his nimble jigger ; 
These Old Nick changed as was his wont, 
And now you see it, and now you don't. 



144 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Thus the bright cherub and the wreath, 
Emblems of earthly joy and peace, 
Concealed his scheme as he went forth 
With crafty guile to rule the earth ; 
But when revealed was his true plan 
To blight the earth and ruin man, 
Changed were the cherub and the wreath 
To signs of guile and mortal death. 

On the broad front of his cuirass, 
In fine art of the highest class, 
Was blaz'd a scene life-like and chaste, 
Tableau vivant, of matchless grace, 
Extending from his gorget down 
To w r here his cetus pass'd around, 
Four palms the picture's greatest length, 
While three palms' breadth was its extent. 
The frame or border of the piece, 
Light arabesque, in low relief, 
With figures quaint, that seem'd historic 
And some fantastic, allegoric ; 
But all were Old Nick's own inventions, 
And quite too num'rous here to mention. 

A landscape grand now met the view, 
Prospect sublime, to nature true : 
Of mountains, valleys, hills and dales, 
Of em'rald meads and shadv vales, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 145 

Of placid lakes and winding streams, 
Of deep dark woods and dewy glens, 
Of shrubs and flowers most profuse, 
Of flowering groves in gorgeous hues, 
Of cascades grand and fountains cool, 
Of limpid brooks and crystal pools ; 
All blent in one enchanting scene, 
That charm'd the eyes of gods and men. 

Thus was this picture true to nature, 
Not overdrawn, but made to flatter, 
Not nature, but poor human kind 
Whom pleasing show oft makes purblind. 
Thus Nick with flat'ry blinds men's eyes, 
Conceals his schemes and his true guise. 
But this description which we make here, 
Is not from th' picture but from nature. 

Far in the distance, cap'd with snows, 
Old rock-rib'd mountains grandly rose ; 
Whose rugged sides of sharp accent 
Show'd rocky scarps and battlements, 
And castles, whose uplifted walls 
And lofty towers over all 
Had stood defiant 'gainst the storms 
And boreal blasts since light's first dawn. 



146 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Up these old peaks the Cembran pine 
Had crept aloft to timber line, 
Cov'ring their steeps with somber green, 
'Bove which grim rocks and snows were seen. 
And 'round their feet rose steep foot-hills, 
Deep gorged by cataracts and rills ; 
Thick grown with cedar, fir and palm, 
Dark wooded terraces were formed, 
As ranks ascend shade above shade, 
A sylvan theater displayed. 

Close 'neath these hills a sparkling tide 
Came from the landscape's dexter side, 
A river pure, of rip'ling sheens, 
Made up from scores of mountain streams, 
Which swept around in crescent form, 
Swift, restless current, hastening on 
O'er brilliant sands and pebbles white, 
A silver crescent at their feet ; 
Almost across the landscape came 
This bow or crescent of the stream, 
Then changed its course to'rd the champaign, 
Ran devious through a lovely glen. 

And 'round this crescent 'gainst the hills 
Rose steep riprap and granite walls ; 
As cities walled in skillful way 
Guard 'gainst marauders, night and day, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 147 

These stern old ramparts stood between 
The tow'ring hills and treacherous stream, 
Which unrestrain'd would sap their base 
And wreck them to a shapeless mass. 

Forth through a glade that cleft the hills 
A torrent from the mountain falls, 
Lashed into spray and mad ning loam, 
O'er rocks and rapids dashed along ; 
A precipice leaps in its rage, 
And forms a brilliant, grand cascade. 
These angry waters here find rest, 
Hid in a pure lake's placid breast, 
Which 'gainst the hillside, large, profound, 
Lies girt by granite walls around ; 
'Mongst em'rald groves, a charming scene, 
This sparkling lake hangs like a gem, 
Or like a mirror festoon' d round 
With ferns and myrtle, richly crown'd. 

Its banks replete, the overflow 
Launch forth to join the tide below ; 
O'er smooth rock beds now gliding on, 
Now leaping, dashing 'gainst huge stones, 
While other torrents join the chase, 
Increase the din, augment the race, 
Help break the river's granite walls, 
O'er which the torrent grandly falls ; 



148 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Sweeping this barrier from its track, 
"Leaps down a boist'rous cataract. 

Thus in sharp contrasts, vary'ing shades, 
The back-ground of this scene was laid, 
As tow'ring to'rd a cloud-rift sky 
Rose hills on hills and mountains high ; 
Now lofty peaks dense mists enshroud, 
Now 'round their sides hang fleecy clouds ; 
While here the sun shines bright as noon, 
There lowVs a storm-cloud's deepest gloom ; 
Still, changeful as are these wild scenes, 
And striking as their contrasts seem, 
More striking still the contrasts show 
'Twixt these and vernal vales below. 

Far down beneath perpetual snow, 
And wintry gales that ever blow, 
'Neath where the white owl and white quail, 
In rig'rous homes delight to dwell ; 
'Neath loft}' crags and rocky crests, 
Where golden eagles build their nests ; 
'Neath rugged steeps, where sighing pines 
Bemoan the ever restless winds, 
Here hills receding on each side 
Present a valley rich and wide. 

And here the undulating plain, 
Cours'd by a diverse wandering glen, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 



!'' 



Fringed with sweet groves of rarest trees, 
Which 'long its devious course we see ; 
As forth through these the river gleams, 
Its brilliant course is plainly seen. 
This valley now extending wide, 
By mountains wall'd on either side, 
To all delights of sense exposed, 
Nature's vast wealth at once arose. 

And on each side, 'mongst sloping hills, 
Ran pure, cool brooks and babbling rills, 
Which from the rugged mountains roll'd 
O'er sands of orient pearls and gold ; 
Ran devious under pendent shades, 
Whence cool, umbrageous grots were made ; 
Dispers'd in lakes or placid pools, 
Or dash'd o'er brilliant waterfalls. 
And groves whose trees of odorous gums. 
And grateful, aromatic balms, 
Mingle sweet scent with fragrant flowers. 
Of brilliant hues 'mongst leafy bowers. 

And other groves of luscious fruits, 
Of rarest kinds and varied hues, 
Between which meads and level downs 
Are interspersed like flow'ry lawns. 
Here flow'rs 'f all hues, and which had not 
Been sown in beds or ranged in plots, 



ISO ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But which most bounteous Nature's reign 
Spread out on hill and dale and plain. 

Thus here glens, groves and flow'ry vales, 
Hillocks and downs and shady dales, 
And glades whence murm'ring fountains flow, 
Charnr d fields, Hesperian, met the view ; 
Here 'mongst the vernal fields and plains, 
Ethereal mildness ever reigns : 
And here, too, universal Pan, 
Joyous, leads on the eternal spring. 

Now, as by magic, in mid-air, 
A vast angelic choir appear'd ; 
Empyreal hosts, vast caravan, 
Their harps attuned, tbe welkin rang, 
As the whole chorus sweetly sang: 
Hail, peace on earth, good will to men. 
This grand tableau was thus displayed 
In Satan's first and grandest raid, 
And typifyed his reign of peace, 
While he remained god of the earth. 
Of late in his last grand campaign 
He trot'd the tableau out again, 
Which will typ'fy, if it shall come, 
The dimecratic millenium. 

The other figures that were fixed, 
As signs or emblems heraldic, 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 151 

Were scatter'd round somewhat profuse, 

And more for ornament than use. 

These may be found fully explain'd 

In old books, where you'll find their names ; 

Books writ by old cranks in theology, 

Or other cranks, on demonology. 

Thus Nick went forth in dev'lish guise, 

Arm' d with the whole panoply of lies ; 

And all his pals in this campaign 

Were arm'd just like him, every man, 

Except the dove on helmet's too 

Had been replaced by dunghill cock. 

THEIR ARMS. 
Their arms by Nature were supplied, 
Glib vvag'd in big mouths, open wide, 
And like a bell with a spring clapper, 
Keep up an everlasting clatter ; 
And faster than a Gatling gun 
Could fire their lies out one by one, 
And shove a lie for all 'twas in it, 
Fire and rep't, sixty times a minute. 
Besides this, they could all throw in 
Huge flams of jawbone and chin chin. 
Thus arm'd like Samson of old times, 
Who with jawbone slew Philistines : 



152 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

But while he wag'd the ass's jawbone, 
Here each ass bray'd and wag'd his own. 

THEIR COMMISSARY. 

When armies march and war and fight, 
Through long campaign by day and night, 
The weary soldier seeks his horn, 
Draws solace from John Barleycorn. 
And so Nick's hetmen, all well train'd, 
Had bled and died in long campaigns, 
In which they'd war'd to win the Nation, 
And from bourbon drawn inspiration. 

Their commissary, well supplied 
With red-eye, old Kentucky's pride, 
With red-nose, old Kentucky bourbon, 
With quarrelsome broth, the old disturber, 
With forty-rod, double-barreled, 
With many a cask of pent-up quarrels, 
With stuff war'nted to break up friendship, 
To cut a throat or scuttle a ship. 

They had no use for other prog, 
Nor bread, nor beans, while they had grog 
Could keep their spirits up, they found, 
By taking bourbon spirits down ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 153 

For men when crazy, or when drunk, 
Feel most their strength and most their spunk. 
THEIR AMMUNITION. 
The hosts t 1 supply with ammunition, 
Was Sev n Mule Barnum's special mission, 
And his best pal was Black Art Gorman, 
Chief bal't box stuffer and reformer ; 
And keen their burning zeal to show, 
Rak'd earth and sh'ol for lies 'twere new. 
Here they received a sharp rebuff, 
The Deil thought old lies good enough. 
"Ah, dear Sev'n Mule — me true pal Gor- 
man — 
" I fear you'll never make reformers : 
" With your experience, you should know 
" That lies oft told are always new ; 
" It matters not how stale the lie 
" If 'tis well told, persistently ; 
" Some will declare 'tis truth and new, 
" The liar sometimes thinks so too. 
"You both should learn my axiom wise, 
" ' Truth hath no force like oft-told lies.'" 



ST. STEUPMEnNT II. 
CANTO VII. 



THE AKGTJMElSnr. 

This history of a great battle 

Tells how the hordes show'd off their mettle; 

How all the chiefs and grand commanders 

Fought 'neath their legendary standards; 

How their old flags flung to th' breeze 

Air'd putrid reminisences; 

How sham reforms, jeal'sies and fears 

Set them together by the ears; 

And how they fought like mad or drunk 

For spoils and boodle same's for punk. 

That grand conclave of wise head men 
That were sent forth from all the clans, 
Who with cute schemes all work'd together, 
Said one thing when they meant another, 
As planks to th' platform they fit in it, 
And posed their figure-head upon it. 
For their equipment was complete, 
Soon's Hendricks accepted his fate, 
Play'd sec nd fiddle to the figure-head, 
Grim, garrulous old copperhead, 
Though by no means a pliant tool, 
Unlike his chief, ne'er called a fool. 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRA ] s 



155 



The hosts stood ready for the fray, 
Their 'quipment finished hangman's 'day ; 
This was, no doubt, out of respect 
To th' Saint, who twice had play'd Jack 

Ketch. 
Thus guided by the Saint's good star, 
The hordes at once mov'd out to war, 
And show'd the army as it went 
Complete in all its appointments ; 
As rang'd th' embattl'd hosts appear 
"With van, main battle, wings and rear." 

In front, each one close by his standard, 
March'd the great chiefs and grand com- 
manders, 
All old, experienc'd and wise, 
Of which each gang had full supply. 
The Deil, of course, was grand commander, 
And gave 's commands to those 'twere under ; 
He also never fail'd to see 
'Bout all points of grand strategy ; 
And still so many wise aids had he 
That when 't seem'd best he could keep 

shady, 
For 'twas the Deil's orig'nal plan 
To treat gently the Mugwump clans, 



156 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And his sole object in doing that 
Was 'cause he knew the'd been rais'd pets, 
Besides 'mongst them were high-ton'd men, 
Nor could he tell how much they'd stand. 

But it became plain from the start 
That Dom'nies, like Beecher and Clark, 
Or other great divines like Burchard, 
Would make red-hot dimecrat workers ; 
Would work now that they'd struck their 

level, 
With Har'son Gorman or the Devil. 

In front of all this war-like rabble, 
March'd Steph'n, Hendricks, th' Knight and 

th' Devil ; 
All of whom now are so well known, 
Their greatness need not here be shown. 
With blast of trumpets, clang of drums, 
That makes the war'ior's valor come, 
The van led on by a fatal star 
Destined to desp'rate deeds in war ; 
Still dimecrats, to kindle rage, 
Prefer their natural beverage ; 
For them music brings valor on 
Not half as quick as old bourbon. 

Great Stephen's standard wav'd aloft — 
"Public office is a public trust" 



THE DEIL AMONG THE D1MECRATS. 157 

Gleam'd forth from each of 'ts ample folds, 

Glinting and glim'ring like fool's gold. 

But this is the Saint's own ^reat maxim, 

And not a dimecrat axiom, 

Nor is't the Saint's orig'nal words 

But borrow'd from some English Lord. 

But still it stir'd up all the clans 

Until they found 'twas merest sham, 

And nothing new, but just the same 

Old thing under an assum'd name ; 

For it's true hidden sense is that 

" Of'ces are made for dimecrats." 

There stood the Knight whose gonfalon 
Had K. K. K. emblazoned on, 
And high in air his colors float 
In form of a hoopskirt petticoat. 
Great chief, iron mask'd and famous for 
Wise council and success in war, 
Majestic mien and stately pace, 
Solemn, of weazen form and face. 

Hendricks 'twixt Saint and Knight hung on 
And had no standard of his own, 
Play'd sec'nd fiddle to Stephen's luck, 
Train'd with the Knight and the Ku Klux. 



158 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

There stood Sev'n Mule, 
clerk, 
Most trusted in all reform work, 
Of most prodigious zeal and fire, 
Grand captain of the Mulligan liars ; 
His banner was most aptly chosen, 
You'd pick it out from 'mongst a dozen : 
On azure field blazoned with guile, 
Sev'n griffins look'd like fiery mules, 
'Neath these inscrib'd the dimecrat legend : 
" Seventy-six fraud, eight beat seven." 

There Gorman stood, bold man of war, 
Thus fore-ordained by fatal star, 
To keep his neck from clutch of th' laws 
Had at command all his cats' paws, 
Who ready each 'f his schemes to further, 
Would commit perj'ry, rob or murder, 
For they were men of wild adventure 
And mostly came from penitentiary ; 
And now Saint Stephen's their dear brother, 
Of late he's pardoned many others. 
In magic Gorman was well read 
And with black art had fill'd his head ; 
If 'e wore a charm none seem'd to know 
Whether 'twas bat's liver or rabbit's paw ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 159 

But his bal't-box tricks, with his rigging, 
He's mostly turn'd over to Higgins. 
His flag was azure, of same form 
As those now used to portend storms, 
Known 'mongst the gangs as our Blue Peter, 
Signal for 's ruffians and repeaters. 

Next Gov'nor Hill came booming on, 
At th' head of 'is great Saloon Reform ; 
His pals this banner bore aloft, 
Which from both sides could be read oft': 
"A government of the rum pow'r, 
" By the rum pow'r and for th' rum pow'r, 
" Shall not perish from earth the while 
"We've such Gov'nors as Davy Hill." 

There stood "Our Carter" Harrison 
With his grand legions of reform ; 
Their banners were all flaming gule, 
Proclaim'd blackleg-anarchist rule ; 
But Carter 's now like one Kit Castles, 1 
Shorn of his strength, rob'd of his vassals ; 



1 The Territory of Wyoming was organized and the offi- 
cials were sent out in the spring of 1869. The three 
judges were assigned to districts by the Governor. J. W. 
Kingman was assigned to the third district in which the 
town of Evanston is situated and where Kingman appears 
to have been a terror to evil-doers. The first Legislature 
of the Territory was democratic solid, and Kit Castles 
was elected to the council from Evanston. When it came 



i6o ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

For most 'f 'is pals have gone away, 
To Kindom Come or Canada, 
While some learn trades and useful lessons 
Wearing strip'd unYorms in State's prison. 

There stood St. John, great prohib fiend. 
Whose nose seems reddest near the end, 
Who his stale lies so oft hath told 
Now thinks these lies great truths unfold ; 
His little banner, "God and Home," 
For old St. John much good hath done ; 
It's made him great in some folks' eyes, 
Made other cranks think he was wise ; 
But in the way it most affects him 
Is thro' the swag each lecture's fetch'd him. 

There, too, stood Peter, James and John, 
Great conq'rors 'mongst the Mormon throngs ; 
On the broad banner of this fraud 
Is 'blazon'd " Holiness to the Lord." 
They're more devoted to Saint Stephen, 
Since he's cous'n-in-law to Saint Brigham. 

to the question of assigning the judges Kit made a speech 
urging the removal of Kingman to some other part of the 
Territory, in which he said: " I tell you, fellow-democrats, 
we must put this man Kingman where he can do us no 
further harm. If we do not, before two years have passed 
the magnificent democratic majority by which I have 
been returned to this Legislative Assembly will all be in 
the penitentiary." 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 161 

'Neath their lab'rum, Civ'l Serv'ce Reform, 
Toeing the mark, stood rang'd along ; 
Three warriors, the triumvirate, 
Or mugwump Cerb'rus, pure and great ; 
All good and upright Pharisees, 
Mugwump godhead or Trinity. 
And there they stood, three anxious dads, 
All coddling their little fad ; 
'Twas envy, malice, guile and hate 
Caus'd them t' discover Steph'n was so great, 
And, full of envy, they'd gone mad 
'Bout free trade and their little fad ; 
And now to boom Steph'n 'bove his lev'l, 
They'd work and train and fight with trT devil. 

Thus hath b'n mention'd some 'f the leaders 
Of all the hordes, but there were others 
Who were entitled to the same 
Distinction, and just as much fame. 

As th' hordes dash'd on, not much encumbr'd, 
'Twas easy t' see how vast their numbers, 
And their equipment for the work 
To which the Deil had sent them forth. 
And with the banners we've described 
There were an hundred more beside, 
Which wav'd along the whole procession, 
Emblems of putrid old traditions. 



162 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

Some of these legends here we note, 
That seem most striking of the lot : 
Oldest of these " Bill Money's Tammany" 
The source of all polit'cal hon'sty ; 
And next came the " Young Lo-co-Fo-cd 's ;" 
Next' ' Dough-faces'' 'which Randolph spoke of 
" Barn-burners and Hunkers" next we note, 
" Free-traders, NuUifiers and Turn- Coats?'' 

And next, " Dozvn with the National Bank" 
Shout' d " facksons Dimecratic cranks?" 
Then " Jackson's better curncy cranks" 
Said' 'Let each State have 'tso'n State Banks" 
Which soon brought financial disaster, 
Caus'd by "Stump-tail, wildcat shin-plasters " 

Now came "fire-eaters, pro-slavery crews," 
" Give us the earth an" protect us, too!" 
"For Negro Slavery is Divine," 
Should be extended to all climes, 
Like our dear Savior, pure and wise, 
" Down with the Missouri compromise ;" 
Next came the " Squatter s ,Sover ns , Bluffers," 
" The Blue Lodges" and "Border Ruffians" 
The " Social Bands" and " Friends Societies ;" 
" Sons of the South, Blacklegs and Rioters" 

And next came "Conspiracy and Treason /" 
" Open Rebcllio7i" without reason ; 



THE DEIL AMONG THE DIMECRATS. 163 

And then " The South'' s Confederacy" 

" Whose corner-stone was negro slavery;" 

And then " War to the knife and hilt" 

In which much rich young blood was spilt. 

Then" A" n 1 'ghts of the Gold* 11 Circle" were bred 

And " dough-faces turned copperheads." 

Then " Slavery and State Rights" were borne 

Whence neither ever will return ; 

Then came "TV last ditch" and the "Lost 

Cause" 
With num'rous reconstruction laws ; 

Then came the "Solid Ku Klux Klans" 
^The Shot Gun Clubs and Red Shirt Gangs." 
E'en now some States in terror stand, 
Are ruled by gangs of '■'•Tierce Brigands" 
While States compell'd to suffer it. 
Are rul'd by "Outlaws and Bandits." 

And thus Nick's grand Salvation Army, 
All homogeneous, sweet reformers, 
Parade their putrid old traditions, 
Old bruises, cancerous, fest'ring issues, 
Old leprosies, plague-spots and itch. 
They've foist on th' body politic ; 
Seed warts and scabs, and things like these, 
Old putrid reminiscences. 



1 64 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

When from the conclave at Chicago 
The headmen back to their clans did go, 
Kept up as best they could those revels 
That made a Saint by raisin' the devil, 
Increas'd the noise, the claque and clatter, 
Soon form'd the hordes in order of battle ; 
Now charg'd out in reform disguise 
And disembogued vast floes of lies. 
The van guard thus deploy'd in line, 
Launch' d their worst lies and lost no time 
While front and center wings and rear 
Gave vent to wild and fitful cheers, 
In deaf 'ning chorus here and there 
Bray'd harsh weird discord on the air. 

Mugwumps were first to catch the fire 
And imitate th' Chicago liars, 
To imitate their fiendish revels 
Same's dimecrats, lied like th' devil. 
But soon this weird contagion ran 
Though all the thousand hordes and clans, 
And who like maniacs fill'd the air 
With harsh keen-ton'd lies near and far. 

A great procession down in Gotham, * 
Like "Gotham's three wise men," betho't them 

1 Just preceding the election of 1884 a procession of 
mugwumps and dimecrats marched along Broad way,New 



THE DEIL AMONG THE D1MECRATS. 165 

And quit their lying for a season, 

For't seem'd they had return'd to reason. 

With frantic zeal they marcrPd along 

Shouting each "wise man" of the throng: 

"Burn the letter ! Burn the letter ! 

" It shows too plain the silly creature. 

" Burn the letter ! Burn the letter ! 

" Burn Stephen's letter to Mrs. Beecher !" 

Now Sev'n Mule and his next man, Gorman, 
Saw, that in Gotham, the reformers, 
In spite of all their bal't-box tink'ring, 
Of grim defeat there were strong inklings. 
With his king mob, t' prevent defeat, 
Bold Gorman rush'd into the breach, 
And to distract the public eye 
'Bout Burchard's speech made up a lie, 
Which lie he used with black-art knack 
And made th' Saint win by th' merest scratch, 
For it is now a well-known fact 
The goal was won by a lie and a scratch, 

York, crying: "Burn the letter! Burn the Letter!" Then 
each man would scratch a match on the seat of his 
trowsers and burn a small slip of paper. Had King John's 
avengers who returned from the Gotham of Nottingham- 
shire and reported: "Gotham is a village of fools"' been 
visiting America's Gotham and witnessed this perform- 
ance they could have handed in their old report only sub- 
stituting city for village. 



1 66 ST. STEPHEN II.; OR, 

And the whole truth is. 'bout the matter, 
Gorm'n was the liar and Steph'n the 

scratcher. 
Thus Nick controlled this accident, 
Sat up the first fraud president. 

Four moons, the hordes with deaf 'ning roar, 
Outrageous noise embowlTd the air, 
Her entrails tore, deep-mouth'd their wail, 
Disgorg'd their glut of lies like hail ; 
Four moons, the air thus filPd with gloom 
The while this rain of lies kept on. 

Thus four long months this rain of lies 
Cover' d the earth and filled the skies, 
Compar d with this Noah's rain was slight, 
But forty days and forty nights. 
This flood came from those beasts incarnate, 
Boss Gorman and Old Sev'n Mule Barnum, 
Grand captains of the Mulligan liars ! 
Chief frauds outside of shed's fires, 
And their minions o'er the Nation, 
Kept it up without cessation, 
For they did lie with all their mights 
Thrice forty days and forty nights. 



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